Today will surely go down in history is one of the most important days of my life. Definitely one that I will not soon forget. I can’t help but reflect on 20-My-Turn and just what it is that this year has meant for me and those closest to me. Last night one of my friends said something that I found to be quite amazing. We were talking about the great things that happen in people’s lives and how we often wonder when our turn is coming. She said: ‘Whenever something amazing happens to someone in my life, instead of getting jealous I find myself inspired and thinking, there’s enough happiness to go around. My turn is coming...’ That I found quite inspiring, and I once again found myself feeling thankful for the wonderful women that I am blessed be surrounded by.
But the point of this I guess was to take a look at 2010 and just find 5 things that this year has taught me. If I were to summarise it all, these would top the list:
1) I guess more than anything else, for me 2010 was the year of letting go. As I look around me so much of what defined my life when this year started is no longer here, (car, job, relationships, dreadlocks, home) and as painful as the loss was at times, I had to let so much go in order to make space for all the blessing that has come my way. As the saying goes, Let go & Let God. I learnt to let go (sometimes kicking and screaming) but at the end of the day, it was the best thing for me to have done and as God began to bless me, I was amazed at how much of what I held dear, actually didn’t fit into where my life is headed.
2) The second thing that 2010 taught me was the importance of knowing what you’re worth. Most people who know me know that I love keeping the peace, (my best friend who’s known me for 12 years once said that she’s actually never seen me angry, how funny is that!) and that is very often at the expense of my own needs. But in 2010 I found a voice I never thought I had, I learnt to not settle for mediocrity and make it clear that some things aren’t acceptable. That was terrifying, but also very liberating.
3) The third lesson that 2010 had for me was how to be silent. Another great friend of mine was getting advice on marriage and one of the best pieces of advice she got was: ‘Silence is the language of the saints. In every relationship you have to learn the power of silence, not to punish but to free.’ I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve (and as someone recently put it: Wear my heart on my FB status), but keeping the most intimate details of your life to yourself, especially when God is busy working on you, can be the best thing one can do. You also become more perceptive and in tune with yourself if you practise silence. The most important thing about silence, is not saying something that you later regret.
4) As is the case every year that I live, people come in and out of your life, especially friends. 2010 was the year when I let go of toxic friendships. I was talking to a good friend on Sunday about how much love, respect and admiration I have for all the people in my life. The ones who have remained with me up to this point are humble, spiritually strong, focused, simple and beautiful souls that energise and inspire me. I’m not looking to be surrounded by perfect people but this year I learnt that birds of a feather actually do flock together.
5) The last and greatest lesson for me in 2010 was definitely related to love. So often we chase it, try to hold on to it, get hurt from it and after it’s over... we’re right back where we started and we continue the cycle (Chasing, holding on, getting hurt). But in a year when I looked God in the eye and said: If it’s not from you, I don’t want it’, I was liberated. When I was young my mother always encouraged me to pray for my husband. That was a bit strange, but she said that God should prepare both of us for the time when we meet and keep our hearts safe so that when we got together, we’d be the best fit for each other. Yes my mother is that deep! But having done that for years, I cannot begin to describe the feeling of meeting someone who is Just Right for you. When the pieces of the puzzle finally click into place you realise that every single thing you’ve ever been through was preparing you for this. In 2010 I learnt that love is not something to chase / demand / rush. If it’s not there, no amount of hard work or prayer can magically make it real, and when it is there, it’s not loud or boastful or arrogant. Love, as I have experienced it, is gentle and certain. I wish this kind of love on all the people I love.
Now we look to 2000 n Elevate, I have a feeling it’s going to be the best year yet!
Ozithobayo,
MaDlamini
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