The Fresh Grave Dilemma

 There’s nothing left to do,

Funeral’s over, the mourners have left,

The last chunk of sand has been thrown,

Time to make the journey back home,

Without you.

 

I’m looking at this fresh grave,

The place you now call home,

I’m looking at the beautiful flowers,

The great view you’ve got of the hills,

It’s time for me to go,

Without you.

 

Tomorrow, work deadlines will be due,

I’ll have to remember to pay the light bill,

Go see the dentist, do the laundry,

I’ve got to complete my school assignment,

Go buy a gift for the wedding,

Without you.

 

My life has to go on, I know you’d want me to.

But sitting next to this fresh grave,

After everyone’s gone away.

It’s just me, the howling wind and somewhere down there,

All that’s left of you.

 

I wanna do justice to your memory,

Feel every ache, cry every last tear.

I want you to know that I did love you,

I Still do, miss you like you crazy.

I want you to know it’s not the same,

Without you.

 

The fresh grave dilemma is that it all needs to go on,

The sun still has to rise tomorrow,

I’ve still got to get up and live,

Move on, without you.

 

In my morning prayers I list all my siblings,

I now have to remember to remove you,

When someone asks me about myself,

I have to remember to now say, I’m one of 6,

When I come home I have to remember,

You’re not ever going to be there again.

 

I have to remember, I have to remember,

I have to remember. But I also have to forget.\\

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It's a new week, to some, this might be time to be 'getting over it' and not dragging this sad dead sister story too long, I'm sorry for those who feel uncomfortable, but this is where my spirit is right now, I've never claimed to be an entertainer with my writing. I write what I feel and today, this is what I feel. I have to remember.

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The fresh grave dilemma condemns my spirit for thinking of mediocre things like the laundry, the dentist appointment. She's only been gone 6 days, the dust is yet to settle. But the fresh grave also screams, let me go. It's over, I'm over. My sister never liked being fussed over, 4 days. That's all it took. She was well my whole life, then was in hospital for just 4 days, after that she was gone. I'm overwhelmed by the dilemma. Does loving you mean I stay sad, hurting, crying and mourning, or does loving you mean I move on. This is my dilemma.

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