I initially wanted to call this: Reflections on 2016 - Unyaka ka Jobe, but I changed my mind along the way. Something about 2016 had such a strong spiritual element to it that I found myself reading my bible a lot more and reflecting on the lessons therein. But the story of Job has a victim element to it, a narrative I’ve disowned since 2007, life is way too beautiful to spend it feeling like a victim or a failure. So, my perspectives on 2016 will be anchored on what was the underlying gift behind it all.
Having been raised in the Anglican church, gone through the structures from Sunday School, to Izikhonzi, to Youth (and almost becoming a nun, but that’s a story for another day), I’ve got a deep appreciation for the effort my mom put into teaching me the ways of the church and also to love God. Was very surprised at my friend’s wedding when the church service was held in Zulu and I could still recite the prayers and various sections of the Anglican Prayer Book. When it comes to our elders, I guess the 2 areas they invested in the most when it comes to surviving (and thriving) in life were: Education and God. My father’s influence was a little different, his lessons were mostly on more esoteric subjects, trusting your intuition and being happy / optimistic no matter what life sent your way. Blessed to have had both spectrums guide my life in my youth and still influence my world view to this day.
Then there was 2016. As it often happens, when life overwhelms me I tend to default to my mother-tongue. Ake nishoni, lonyaka ubungenwe yini ngempela? Sezizonke nje izinto, u2016 ukuqede nya ukusa la k’mina. And I was even cautious about writing the annual reflections during December because I didn’t trust that more terrible things would happen (which they did by the way). So, here we are. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but every year has one significant thing about it that stands out about it after maybe 10 years have passed. 1998, I started High-School, 2005, completed varsity, 2014 Zwelibanzi was born. I’m very very curious about what the 1 thing will be that describes 2016. Penny Sparrow? Losing 3 close friends? Cancelling my wedding? Moving to Kenya? Surviving 7 months without my son? Maybe it will be something positive like starting House of Jama, moving to Kenya (which had it’s highs and lows) or something else. Who knows?
This isn’t how I do it every year, but I’ve found that it does help to make a list of Top 5 Things learnt (Some years it’s Top 10, but as much as I was born a glass-half full person, 10 would be a bit of a push). So if someone were to ask, what are the 5 Gifts that 2016 brought into my life, this is what I’d say:
1) Similar to the Job analogy, I had an opportunity to reflect on the question: If all things that define and comfort you were taken away, who are you? It’s hard to be honest when you’re broke and lying will bring home the bacon. But then once upon a time I got a tattoo on my back where I listed my 3 biggest values, one of them being Honesty.
2) What is love? This one question alone will probably be what I remember about 2016 a decade from now. What is love? What does love do? Where does love end? And what is love not.
3) Do you know your God? This is one question that woke me up every morning and cradled me to sleep every night. When fear and doubt and exhaustion take over, Do You KNOW Your God?
4) Where does your joy lie? This saved me, saved me from circumstances, my fears, everything I saw before my eyes and reminded me of my inner child. My constant beloved companion, the one who wants to create beauty, laugh, heal and love the whole world with all it’s 50 shades of grey.
5) Zidele. This is also one lesson that I can’t begin to describe. The idea of letting all your airs and graces, arrogance, conviction and even hope... go. When you’ve gone past your ultimate ability to hang on, when you ask ‘What if I fall’ and it says: ‘What if you fly’. (This last part isn’t by me, it’s a pic I found online and shared on Instagram).
My mom put on her Superwoman cape and carried me (through her actions, love, taking care of my son, prayers and even ukuthetha) in 2016. Words can’t begin to describe the indebtedness and great admiration I feel for this lady, and another person who hardly ever gets acknowledgement but really surprised me a great deal in 2016.... myself. I never would have ever imagined I had it in me to be still standing today.
2017: SIYOBULAL’ U VAN DAMME, ONE WAY!
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