I’m not proud of myself for sharing this, in fact I’m rather ashamed. I don’t know if it’s just me, but there was a time when we were growing up in KZN when Aids became so very normal. We knew the signs, the moment someone starts to lose weight, the moment their skin turns a pale shade of grey, we knew the stories that they would share of being bewitched, of having TB or sometimes calling it cancer. As much as none of us ever voiced it out, we knew they ‘had it’. I remember a particular friend of mine and I discussing a mutual friend, we hadn’t seen each other in a while but I said: ‘If we don’t make time to meet soon, we’ll only see each other at *****’s funeral. The sad part is that the particular ***** was still alive. But we all could see it, and knew the end was near. It wasn’t surprising when less than a month later, my friend and I saw each other again at *****’s funeral. Why am I sharing this? As creative as I am in my ideal self, I happen to also be a very practical person. The dying die. The heavy clouds will most likely lead to rain.
When Bruce Wilkinson wrote the book: Prayer of Jabez, he’d never been to Africa. And at a talk in 2004 he shared with us that he couldn’t bring himself to preach the ‘Prayer of Jabez’ message when he arrived in Africa ("1 Chronicles 4:10. Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain."). That kind of self-centred ministry didn’t have a place in the Africa he encountered. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m not in deep dark depressed Africa. And that’s not what this note is about. This note is about wishing I was more of an optimist than the pragmatic person that I am. Some people pray for miracles from their Range Rovers and Mansions, and the likelihood is that those miracles will come true (although most of us wish the rich didn’t always have it as easy as they seem to). After visiting Africa, Wilkinson wrote another book titled: The Dream Giver. The talk I attended was based on that. And in a nutshell it spoke about never thinking that your life will just be a series of prayers for miracles and you receiving them. As I was packing for the move to Nairobi I came across my journal from that talk, way back in 2004, and the notes I took. God does grant great blessings and abundance is our portion, but it’s not as easy as praying a prayer and the heavens open up.
That’s where I am today.A miracle would truly come in handy, but as I hope for the best I am preparing for the worst. Not because I’m not used to miracles, my entire life has been a series of one miracle after the other, hence one of my favourite lines #EsimkhonzayoSiyamazi. Even as I write this, I feel that the part of my upbringing that states: ‘Keep these things secret, don’t share your pain because others will rejoice’ is being silenced. As we were discussing the story of how Hope Zinde’s son is the prime suspect in her murder, the question kept cropping up. As a people, why do we believe that keeping things secret will help the situation? Her drug addicted son must have brought her many headaches, but our culture would say: ‘Don’t talk about it, keep it in the family’. Other taboo subjects are the prevalent culture of rape in our communities, the growing number of people suffering from mental issues like depression. It’s all meant to be shadowed in a cloud of silence.
My partner and I have recently started reading Rick Warren’s ‘Why On Earth Are You Here’ together. Interestingly today we read a chapter on how God respects those who wrestle with him. When there’s a problem, I’ve never subscribed to the ‘Kulungile Baba’ approach (pardon me, I’m still a big fan of Sfiso Ncwane), I want to know why. Everytime I’m asked to just blindly follow, I step back and ask: Mara Why Tho? Because I love God, and I believe in his great love and power, but I can never follow blindly what doesn’t make sense to me.
Tomorrow I’m going to start my #100ThingsILoveAboutKenya challenge. I’ve already gathered so much material, so many daily experiences and I’m looking forward to sharing them all. Hope I can make it all the way to 100. Next month I’m doing the Amazing Race challenge where we’ll be travelling to Naivasha, seriously looking forward to the experience!
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