The In-Between Moments

The In-Between Moments

No words were spoken,
No promises were made,
In the in-between moments,

We let the moment linger,
From second-to-second-to-second.

I felt my spirit leave my body,
I felt your heartbeat over my own,
In the in-between moments.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life-time,
But I knew this wasn’t one of them.

I felt little goose-bumps,
As I reminisced on your touch,
Your scent, your breath.
In the in-between moments

Our secret world, where we lived

In the in-between moments

My God is a black woman...

When I hear of the majesty, the strength and the grace of God,
I can’t help but believe that he’s a black woman.
When you hear of his generosity, his sacrifice and great love,
I’m convinced he’s a black woman.
A God who could love those who turn their backs on him,
A God who could forgive those who nailed him to a cross
& beat and spat at him.
Isn’t that the love that defines a black woman.
Beaten, robbed, raped and abused. The black woman
Is still overflowing with so much love.
See a mother visiting her murderer son in a prison cell,
See a wife, welcoming home an abusive husband,
See a daughter forgiving an uncle who violated her.
See the love of a black woman.
My mom who worked her fingers bare, so we could eat,
I see God in her beautiful, powerful spirit
Yes, My God is a black woman…

Take me on a journey...

Take me on a journey,
Take me on a journey of souls.
Where words need not be spoken,
Where emotions seem insignificant,
Where lies are as foreign as Kalahari snow.

Take me through the pain,
Let me be there where it all took place,
Let me feel it and live it,
So I can be freed from it.

Take me through the beauty and the joy,
Let me embrace it, inhale it and
Revel in it,
Let my spirit dance in the memories,
Capture the laughter and
slide joyously across the rainbow
of happy days gone by,

Take me back before my time,
Take me through their truth and their lives,
Reveal to me the mysteries they hold,
Spread my lifetime to the time to come,
They will know me, they will know
Themselves

Take me on a journey of souls,
From souls of my ancestors to
my great great grand children,
But more importantly, take me
On my own path, a path that pierces like a knife
Deep into my own being,
Past the falseness, past the illusion, where
Only what is authentic remains,

I can never fully experience wholeness,
Until you take me on this journey

Sneak Preview 3: Writing about ....

Rag Afterparty

We spent the rest of the evening moving through the crowds, having a few drinks at the various spots and then we moved to the stairway above Spur.

‘I hope you don’t mind, I just need to get away from the crowd’

He said as he led me up the staircase, flicking the cigarrete he’d been smoking towards the ground where crowds of students stood drinking and dancing..

‘I don’t mind, I also need a bit of space to breathe’

Oh, and I must admit that had I been sober the next words would have never left my mouth:

‘And spend a bit of time alone with you…’

I regretted the words just after I uttered them, now he’d definitely think I wanted to sleep with him!

I walked in front of him as we made our way up the steps. He walked very close behind me, with his hands on my waist. He had his lips inches from my ear, I could feel his breath on my cheek.

‘I think I should warn you Mbali, I’ve decided that no matter what happens tonight, I’m definitely going to be taking advantage of you’ He turned me around to face him as we reached the last step.

‘Be careful,’ I responded softly,

‘I was just thinking the same thing…’, I looked up at him, inhaling his divine perfume, mixed with the smell of Dunhill Lights. He looked down at me with the most delicate, gentle gaze.

‘I’m going to kiss you now, is that okay?’

He asked moving closer towards me.

All I could do was nod, as once again I heard the angels singing in the background and felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. He held my waist with one hand, and lifted my face towards him with his finger. His confidence, as he took me in his arms, sent my blood pressure soaring. I was living the dream of thousands of women, here in my arms was the perfect man, and I, little ordinary me, was the one girl he wanted!

I drowned in his kiss, at first it was gentle and a bit timid, then it became more aggressive and I heard a groan escape from the back of his throat. He was suddenly like a man possessed. He tugged at my hair, sending divine sparks throughout my body. His lips were rough and wild as they explored mine. I responded to his energy and dug my nails onto his back as I pulled him closer to me.
He started nibbling on my ear, whispering:

'You're irresistable Mbali. I never want this to end'

25 Random Things About Me

1. I'm left handed and am one of 7 kids at home (trust me to sneak in a 26th fact, yeah, thought no one would notice)
2. I've been in Gauteng for 6 years but still don't feel comfortable enough speaking anything but Zulu & English (eish, guess that thing abt Zulus is true)
3. One of my secret hobbies is sitting alone at a Sushi restaurant, eating sushi with chop-sticks and drinking a Castle Lite (wondering what people think of this weird phenomenon... black chick, in a japanese restaurant, drinking beer, now that's just crazy!)
4. I honestly, truly, really really don't believe there's such a thing as a 'bad person', even Mugabe has his endearing qualities (Like that Hitler moustache he's got going)
5. I think Chris Rock is the philosopher of our time, that man is deep shame…
6. I once drove to another province by myself, booked into a hotel and went to a party… by my self.
7. A big part of me still doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, stru!
8. I never missed a single day of school after Standard 3. Until matric I had full attendance (guess I really was a geek)
9. I think baths are kinda disgusting, who wants to sit in dirty water and claim to come out clean…
10. When I was 19, I almost got married (we went to the magistrates court with our ID’s, had the witnesses on stand by… bt the magistrate kinda told us to F* off, thank goodness!)
11. A real fear of mine is going into a club with fluorescent lights (the kind that makes white clothes shimmer), wearing a white item and it not shimmering. So, just in case, I replace white t-shirts often… and swear by Jik.
12. I didn’t know until I was in matric that I had light brown eyes (when a certain someone wrote me a poem called ‘brown eyes’)
13. 90% of the time, I play Gospel in my car, and the other 10% it’s hip-hop / house.
14. I love the smell of a man who’s just had a cigarette.
15. I don’t believe in any form of violence, no hitting kids, no slapping cheating girlfriends/boyfriends, none of it.
16. 2 ply tissues, spring water, flavoured condoms and Listerine are not luxuries, there’s no other way to go.
17. I think wearing more than 3 colours at a time should be a crime. My no.1 rule: accessorise, accessorise, accessorise. (Yes, there’s the odd exception though, like traditional wear, where it’s ‘the brighter the better, but looking like a pack of Niknacks doesn’t work)
18. I think the saddest type of person is an ageing black woman with all the money in the world and no family / man to share it with (…and this comes from a real feminist who thinks men are just there to carry stuff)
19. When I think of going broke, the saddest part is how I imagine down-grading from Dunhill Menthol to Snuff.
20. I would love to produce the South African version of ‘Cheaters’, imagine a Zulu man going: ‘Yes, she’s my girlfriend… and? Hamb’ ekhaya uyek’ uk’tetemuka nabelung’ abapheth’ ama camera. My food better be ready when I get there!’
21. I think make-up doesn’t fool anyone.
22. I think proof that Christianity is the real thing is that it’s the only religion with a real opposition, the other ones are probably on the wrong track anyways… so no one bothers them.
23. I wonder what the guy who came up with Sponge-Bob Square-pants was smoking. ‘So we take a sponge, right. Put it at the bottom of the sea, and dress it in pants…’, but it’s a sponge so it has to wear square pants… I know! Sponge-Bob Square-pants…! Why Bob, why not Sponge-George / Sponge-Phillip?
24. I sometimes sit and look at my huge book collection with the same pride and admiration one would have when looking at their kids. It’s one of my most prized possessions.
25. I think the most unforgivable human characteristic is hypocricy.

When I say 'I love you'

When I say I love you…
It’s not so much the looks,
Or even what you have.
Its you.


When I say I love you,
I love the man you were
the day you were born,
& I love the man you’ll be
when you take your last breath.


When I say I love you,
I love that beautiful mind
that always challenges mine,
I love that boyish charm that
melts every heart


When I say I love you,
I love the man you wish to be for me,
My hero, my best friend,
my knight in shining armour.

I love the woman you inspire me to be.

When I say I love you,
I love who you are as much as
Who you’ll one day be.
The father in you, the husband in you.
The best friend in you.

When I say I love you,
I love the flaws in you,
the imperfections in you,
I love all of you.


When I say I love you,
I feel it so gently, yet so strongly
at the same time.
I know that I know it,
because I know me…

When I say I love you,
I see all of the reasons I
should perhaps walk away,
But then my heart says I love you,
And all I want is to stay.


When I say I love you,
I sometimes wish it weren’t true,
But the thought of not loving you,
Leaves me cold & somewhat blue.


When I say I love you,
I wish I could show you how much,
But all I can say is 'I love you',
& hope you know that it's true...

The Black Diamond Deception

In recent years we've been exposed to the term 'black diamonds'. Mainly believed to be the 'BEE's & coconuts who are living the South African dream and making things happen for themselves. Although the term itself actually refers to the emerging middle class (LSM 4-6), it's quite interesting to see how some of us have come to embrace it as a compliment to be referred to as 'Black Diamonds'. But having sat through a number of Black Diamond presentations I'm shocked and appalled by what I see. Basically all they are is a group of people who have more money at their disposal and have zero financial management skills. So what corporates do is exploit their ignorance by sucking them dry and leaving them in debt. From the Truworths card that you're given when you turn 18, to the many calls from Edgars, Vodacom, SAA all offering credit cards. What is sad is how we see the 'credit' as a gift and start seeing all we can do and have with the new-found riches.After reading Capitalist Nigger I've become more aware of just how much black people are preoccupied with looking rich instead of accumulating wealth. We drive the Bentley's & Hummers but at the end of the day, we have no wealth as a people. The business sector knows this and are making billions by marketing products that are 'bling' and like lambs to the slaughter we fall hook line & sinker.The weirdest thing for me is seeing the so called 'BEE' types. All their homes are alike from the leather couches to the plasma screen to the playstation/DSTV. It's as if there's a small voice there that says, you're not really rich or succesful until you're driving that BMW and renting a townhouse in Sandton.I had an interesting conversation a while ago with a couple of people. About this guy who's young, lives at the Michaelangelo and drives one of these 'panty-dropper' type cars. Hearing them speak of him I realised that to some people that's the ultimate success. But then I made this statement: 'besides getting him chicks, I think his life is really boring'. I don't think my idea hit home because the response was, at the end of the day we are all after the fancy car and the hot penthouse, if we weren't we wouldn't be here...But my point is that if we see something to be proud of in having a reputation for spending what we don't have and being evaluated on the size of your TV set, we're more slaves now than in the days of apartheid. At least then we knew the enemy and were collectively focused on one thing. These days we've become so preoccupied with getting, taking, expressing and showing off just how rich we are, but the irony is that this is taking us back to poverty. Even worse now is the huge debt that people end up in, chasing ideals that ultimately don't make you happy, but as a friend of mine would say, i'd rather be miserable in a mansion than happy in a shack!I'm not totally immune to brands & wanting to live La Dolce Vita, but each time I see people who have to know your job title and what car you drive before they decide whether to speak to you or not, I find myself pitying them because I believe there's so much more to life than this and that's why places like Newtown are amazing, it's all about the art, poetry, hip-hop, theatre, graffiti. Over there, you get more respect for the length of your dread-locks than the size of your car.I'm not a black diamond, I'm a new age african who's living her own version of the Sout h African dream

A glimpse into the lighter side of my book...

The previous year, Sam had been part of a ‘foundation-year-programme’ that was like an overview of the various courses. Now, depending on his marks, he could branch off into whichever field of study he wanted.

‘I’ve moved to Groenkloof campus, I’m doing B-Ed.’

My heart sank to my ankles. B-Ed? Had he just said B-Ed, as in Bachelor of Education?

In the hierachy of Tuks this is how things worked: At the top there were the medical students who lived on Med campus in Gezina. They were closely followed by the Actuarial studies students, apparently if you were anything less than a genius, medicine and actuarial sciences weren’t for you.
Then there were the engineering students. They always carried heavy back-packs and wore serious looks as if they were the next Isaac Newton. I once saw an engineering student with the t-shirt: ‘Engineering Department: We will B-Com your managers’, I thought that was quite witty.
Below the arrogant engineers were the B-com & Law students, the smart-ish kids who spent more time drinking at the square than they did at the library, but would still be something one day. Well some of them...
Then there were the BA (arts, literature etc.) students. Their course was accurately dubbed ‘Bugger All’ because these were the rich kids who studied things like art just because it fascinated them. My mother would slap me for entertaining something so crazy! Her first question would be: Does it put food on the table? Of course it doesn’t! So, forget this passion thing and get a proper job! But at the absolute bottom of the food chain were the B-Ed students. B-Ed was the one course that didn’t have minimum requirements. All you needed was a matric exemption, and then you qualified. Everybody knew this and it was the butt of many jokes on campus.

‘That’s nice!’
I smiled, hiding my great dissapointment. It would have been better if he’d told me he’d got a job as one of the security guards, at least they had guns and you were forced to respect them.

The different sides of me...

There’s the fun side,
The crazy side,
The fun, up-beat, side to side,
Side,

I love this side.

Then there’s the driven side,
The hard working side,
The ambitious, go-getter, conquer the world
Side,

I also love this side.

Then we get inside,
To the calm, deep thinking side,
The serious, private, hidden side,

Also my favourite side.

But past the crazy side,
& The driven side,
Even beyond the deep side,

There’s the ugly side.

The selfish, f*ck the world side,
The you don’t knowm me so don’t judge me side,
I feel safe in this side,
I think I need this side.

But there’s also the lonely side,
The wanderer who’s always seeking side,
This is a hidden side,
The private, no one knows this,
Side

There’s also the loving side,
The for better or worse,
Through thick & thin,
I’ll never let go side,
This is my scariest side.
I don’t really like this side.

But my most honest side,
Is my spiritual side.
The my God loves me &
That’s enough side.

You’re free to pick a side,
But know that deep down,
I’m every single side,
On the inside.