Book 1 - Would You Still Love Me If You Knew

 

Would You Still Love Me If You Knew - Mbali Jama Debut Novel

I wrote this book at the age of 23, after suffering the trauma of being raped by an ex lover. The book is my greatest achievement because it forced me to confront the greatest pain I'd ever felt until that point in my life, being rejected by my mother. With the rape came many other memories of past failures, and I decided to write an honest account of my flawed self, and ask the ultimate question: Mother, Would You Still Love Me If You Knew?

The few times I've read it I've always been entertained by my own portrayed innocence and naïveté at the time. I was a child, I had big dreams and I was at the prime of my youth. To date (if I'm not mistaken) it's the longest single body of work I've ever written, and it took me about 6 weeks to write more than 45 000 words. That alone gave me confidence that indeed I was born to write. 

I can never get to the end of the book without shedding many tears, it was my life, it happened to me, and I wish I could go back and cuddle that little girl who went through so much, mostly alone and confused. I thank God and my ancestors for the gift to write, and for the peace I've found buried in many a blank page, waiting for a humble Zulu girl from PMB to fill. I've never written to make money, although when I was younger I hoped I could. With the rise of COVID I've recently come to terms with the reality that I may not be around forever, and if I do nothing else, I would wish for my writings to touch lives, to be read... and for my son to one day read my books and know who his beautiful, crazy and complicated mother really was.