I recently realised just how similar (in character) my father and my husband are. It wasn’t really a new thought, over the years I’ve often commented on things that Sakhile does that remind me of my dad, but it recently really Really hit me. These two men are so much alike!
Now, the reality is that I didn’t get married young like most of my friends. I wrote books, travelled, got to explore life before finally settling down (Yes, I’m old shame). When I look back at my dating life, no one ever really measured up to my dad. I liked men who were well read (My dad is the ultimate reader!), who were physically attractive (wayebaba shame uBaba in his youth) and of course men who were creative, which my dad is. But I think I want to list the reasons why my husband stood out, and how his similarities to my father proved to me that he’s the man I want to spend my life with.
Starting with their protectiveness over me, if you ever really want to see their BP rise up, mess with me.
They love music. My dad (in an inebriated state I must admit) recently said: “I love music more than I even love you”). This made me chuckle because in the years I’ve known Sakhile, when he’s deep into his craft, nothing else exists. Crowds cheer, we dance but to him it’s not even about that. Music is something spiritual to him, and in my most insecure moments it’s the one thing I’ve always believed he loves more than Uhuru and me.
People absolutely love them. My dad is called “iNkosi” amongst his friends and throughout my life people have just always loved and respected him. Sakhile is the same in how without even trying, people fall in love with him. It was the same in Kenya, I struggled to make friends but he had so many friends and it was all effortless. Even after we came back to South Africa his friends from Kenya still hold him in high regard. I would attribute this to just how genuine both these men are, they never suck up so you know that if they like you it’s real. They are both just so enigmatic (Big word I know)!
Besides music, they’re both just unapologetically creative. They seem to be in tune with nature and art in a way that’s so profound. I once called my dad a black hippie and whilst I wouldn’t really call Sakhile that, he’s also guided by his creative side in a way that I just adore.
They love farming. Yes my husband and I are farmers but I don’t really light up at the thought of getting muddy and dirty. But for both of them it seems to be the ultimate therapy. My father is 70 years old but wakes up daily to tend to his plants, Sakhile is also just so passionate about farming that I feel guilty for not sharing his passion sometimes. For me farming has always represented living off the grid, having open space to write and to commune with nature. The two of them are attracted to the labour and the sweating and the harvesting. I don’t really get it but hey,
They both HATE being complimented or taking the credit for what they’ve done. I want to tag Sakhile on this note but I have a feeling he won’t accept the tag. He’s just not about the hype. I could write a book about times when both of them have done incredible things, been there for me and stood up for me. But I know that will just embarrass them both, they’re not really about all that.
They don’t care about what others think. This is pertinent for me because I’ve spent most of my life caring what others think. They both have this ‘whatever’ attitude when it comes to other peoples opinions and I happen to admire that.
The last point is deeply personal. At the darkest point in my life, they are the two people who refused to let go. My fathers words were “We will leave no stone unturned” and Sakhile’s actions were to visit me in hospital daily and just reassure me with his actions: Angiyi Ndawo.
Most people don’t get to be blessed with such two men in their life, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve them but they are quite honestly my rocks. Society is often putting black men down but I happen to have been blessed with a husband and a father who are my heroes. To this list I have to add my brothers uLucky no Khumbula noMsa. These wonderful, generous, forgiving, loving, caring and nurturing Zulu men have been there for me and with me through it all. I could write a book (and probably will), but today I just wanted to reflect on the love, the amazing black love, that means so much to me.
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