Sometimes It Has To Be Winter

 

Tonight I had a lovely dinner with a lady I was meeting for the first time. To say I was in awe would be an understatement. She was smart, interesting, funny, down-to-earth and also quite wise. We shared a seafood platter, talked about ourselves and I found myself having a really lovely time.

 

Then after our dinner I walked to my car and found that someone had tried to hijack it. The ignition had been broken and all the wires stripped from the steering wheel. The worst part was as I realised this, I wondered if they were still in the car, waiting for me to return. That alone made my blood run cold. As it turns out, the only thing they'd taken was my wallet and the only valuable thing in there was my drivers license, the rest can be replaced. The police were very helpful and all in all, it could have been a lot worse and for the fact that it wasn't, I'm grateful.

 

After all the drama, I remembered a profound statement made by my lovely dinner companion. At some point in her life her uncle said this: 'Sometimes it Has to be Winter'. That alone put so much into perspective. I've been meaning to write a different reflection on 2012 than the one I have because although in my mind it is summarised as a 'Kak Year' I realised that I'd be doing a great injustice to myself if I don't look harder and compile a gratitude list. Somewhere in there I need to go full circle and resolve all that still pains me about 2012.

 

As an aside, I've started a very unhealthy habit (to myself) of doing what I've been doing with diaries since I was 9, on FB notes. Not all that I think, feel, believe, fear and wish is for me to share with the world. The more I open myself up, the more I feel like people will stop seeing me as the balanced, smart and creative individual I always project, but rather weird. I've never needed anyone's approval for what I feel, that's what frees me about writing, but when I start to worry about the opinions of others, I find myself tempted to be a lot less honest with myself. So, I'm making my notes private from now on. I'll always write, I've always written, it's my first and great love, I need to remain true to that.

 

Back to the topic. When you look at life and ask yourself 'Why me? Why is it all going wrong? When will the pain end?' One needs to remember, Sometimes it HAS to be Winter. A time when it's cold, bare, uncomfortable, sad and it feels like your sun will never shine as it once did. 

 

But winter in itself has a purpose. It's a time of letting go of the old and making room for the new. I just read a definition that summarises winter as: 'A time when plants get a rest from growing.' I found that fascinating. In a life of constantly growing, seeking more, going further and deeper and faster. Winter is a time to slow down, and even stop. Yes stop. How scary is that? The idea of doing nothing but let the leaves fall off, the beautiful flowers die and not fighting the process. Knowing that you're making room for something better. As a person who loves to be in control, I find the thought unsettling.

 

The great thing about growing up is getting to understand things. Understand that what you believed about yourself, the world, God, Love and many other things when you were 16, is not what you believe now and although what you believe now seems correct, it may not be what you believe when you're 50. If you're alive, you're still learning, unlearning and re-learning. Someone once said to me that as people, we want to make the right decision today on behalf of our whole lives. The mistakes and the part where we change our minds, those are part of being alive. Never put too much pressure on yourself to know what is precisely correct about every detail of your life today. 

 

At an SAB conference, a couple of years ago we had Clem Sunter as one of the speakers. I don't remember most of what he said, but one thing I do remember is that, like children, each time we make a mistake we should say to ourselves: 'Wow! That's Fascinating!' Then move on. 

 

Winter, like every other season has a reason for being. And in whichever winter season I'm in, I always want to remember that it's okay to let go, to stop growing and shed off the parts of me that I no longer need, even though I might like them. As each part falls off, I always want to say, 'Wow! That's Fascinating.' Then move on, move on to uncover more of the exciting, exhilirating and fascinating moments that await in my future.

 

I wish those I love can see the world in a similar light, and never stop believing that it's because of the winter, that spring and summer are so precious and beautiful.