Miss Me But Let Me Go

No Enemies by Charles Mackay

You have no enemies, you say?
Alas! my friend, the boast is poor;
He who has mingled in the fray
Of duty, that the brave endure,
Must have made foes! If you have none,
Small is the work that you have done.
You've hit no traitor on the hip,
You've dashed no cup from perjured lip,
You've never turned the wrong to right,
You've been a coward in the fight.

 

The Nature of Impilo Yomoya (Borrowed from Igqirha on Facebook)

The Nature of Impilo yoMoya

- It is not everyone who is reincarnated. There are 

   old and new souls. Some who come to heal the 

   past and some who will tend for the future. 

- It is not not everyone who is called to be a healer 

   because of previous life "soul contracts". Not 

   everyone has these. Journeys are unique- so is 

   ones' spirit and destiny. 

- It is not everyone who is required to consume 

   intwaso (ukuyiphuza, uyiphalaze). Some 

   ancestors are from way back in time (ezweni 

   lenyama and loMoya) where this rite was not 

   performed by them. This is why there are 

   instances whereby you hear a person say 

   “Ngithwasile ndagoduswa/ngaphotulwa 

   kwabamnyama konke”. There are some things 

   which are not for your ancestors. 

- It is not everyone who is supposed to have 

   incisions (iintlanga/ukugcaba). Some people are 

   not meant to shed blood- regardless of 

   circumstances. Their power & ubukhosi (life 

   force) is in their blood.

- It is not everyone who is meant to wear instimbi/

   beads. In some instances, wearing them can 

   make ingulo yakho worse. 

- It is not every person who is meant to be trained 

   emanzini. This is one of the most complex and 

   energy consuming practises. I honestly would not 

   wish it upon anyone- you come out different. 

   You navigate the spheres and go through 

   time/space, wormholes & alternate realities. It 

   takes a toll on one's body and mind. Your outlook 

   on this world is forever warped and inadequate 

   because of what you've seen exists. It's like living 

   in a world of summer and sunlight, then suddenly 

   coming back to a rainy world in black and white.  

   You are haunted by the waters and grow weary of 

   this earth. The music of the waters sings forever 

   in your ears.  

- It is not ever person who is meant to be initiated 

   by another healer. Regardless of whether or not 

   you emerge from ebuKhosini (royal lineage). 

   ubuGqirha bomNtu is governed by the secrets of 

   iThongo and the person it walks with. Secrets 

   carried down and passed on from emazulwini- 

   from uQamata and His host of heaven. We each 

   have our own purposes, and thus, each have 

   our own secrets about the nature of life which are  

   revealed to us according to ones gifts'. Every gift 

   is but a voice which contributes to The Song. No 

   one knows where it began and no one knows 

   when it will end- if ever. 

- Ukuthetsyulwa ngabaNtu Abadala (being 

   taken by your ancestors) in order for them 

   to train you themselves does not exclusively  

   mean you are only taken to Umzi Omkhulu (the 

   river or the sea). Some ancestors dwell ehlathini 

   (veld), emaweni (precipices) nasemaqolombeni 

   (caves) and will take their child there. There is 

   uMhlekazi who was taken to ehlathini by her 

   ancestors eLusikisiki and spent a year in the 

   wild- most of her time there was spent in a 

   dreamlike haze- completely taken over by 

   iDlozi lakhe (Camagu Thongo!). Umgoduso 

   wakhe (the ceremony of taking her home) was 

   different to that of iGqirha lenyama and required 

   the collective energy of our ancestors & izilo 

   zethu as the ones officiating her ceremony in 

   order to draw her out safely and return her to the 

   land of the living. To this day, when she channels 

   her ancestors through ukuxhentsa entlombeni, 

   her eyes change to that of a leopard (this was 

   one of the animals that guided, protected & 

   also taught her alongside her ancestors) and 

   looking into her eyes is not something everyone 

   can physically do. 

- What works for the person next to you may not 

   work for you. Ancestors are different. Gifts are 

   each individual. 

- You are not a slave to your ancestors. You are 

   allowed to negotiate. You are allowed to say no. If 

   uMkhulu wakho used to smoke icuba/ugwayi and 

   would like you to do the same, you are allowed to 

   reject this (although you'd also really probably 

   enjoy it). You are allowed to live and enjoy life in 

   the same way that they did- always put God and 

   them first. The relationship between umNtu 

   namaThongo wakhe is based on mutual respect. 

   One cannot survive without the other. 

- An ancestor that turns their back on you is worse 

   than anything you can imagine. Do not delve into 

   things and practices that are not for you. Do not 

   test the goodness and ukukhanya of your 

   ancestors. They came from far. Your spirit is 

   immortal & pure and should never be tainted by 

   anything that stains it in any way. Stick to your 

   path. 

- Ukuthwasa is not a game. There is nothing simple 

   about it. Some of iZangoma that have graduated 

   still do not grasp the depth of lendlela yabaNtu 

   Abadala because for them, it was "something 

   they had to get through". 

- Only you can help yourself. The answers are not 

   on this post, nor in any written article- they are 

   within you. Your healing is not outside, nor in 

   someone else's house but within the land where 

   your soul dwells. This is why you do not rush to 

   go and thwasa as soon as you discover you are 

   called. It is your time to first understand yourself, 

   your ancestors and your purpose- only then can 

   you begin. 

- To reject your spirit is to reject your healing. 

Deda bumnyama vela kukhanya 🐆

Izibongo zeSilo uMisuZulu ka Zwelithini - UZulu Omnyama oNgqondo Zimhlophe

INkosi emnyama yakithi kwaKhangelamankengana. Engiyikhangele ngafunga. Somhlola kwelakwa Ngwane. Ngaye ngafunga uJininindi kithi lapha kwaZulu. Isililo siyimvula yezinyembezi. Abasikhale kithi kwaKhetha akwaba ndabazalutho. Baye basikhala kithi kwaKhangelamankengana akwaze kwaba ndaba zalutho. Inkunzi emakhanda alubanzi yakoka Sobhuza. eVimbele uMbonisi yavalela uThembi egane emaNdlovini yavalela uThokozane lichwayimbane. Ubukeyikeyi benqola yehla yenyuka ithwele ixoki. Zigi zekalishi azilingani nezika Bhejane.

Ngoba zinyathele kwazamazama izintaba zoPhongolo noKhahlamba. Inyathi kaNdaba empondo zincushe Zihlabe kwaKhetha badunguza oswini. Zadlumuntu kwa Khetha kwavungama Isixokoxoko seqeqebane Loyomsindo kumaZinyane kazi ungowani? Ubangwe abaseKhwezi nakwa Khetha.

Ayaxokozela axokozela Indlondlo yakoka Mahlokohla. Bathi ngaze kwaba Ndlondloni lena engavuli mlomo? Ngoba zonke izindlondlo ziyayivula imilo. Inkonjane kaNdaba ewele ithwele isiCoco eNingizimu. Iyoshona eNtshonalanga. Yabuya isithwele iziqu. Yabuya ithi intandane enhle ingumakhothwa nguNina. Yabuya isihumusha kwelaba mhlophe yebo abeLungu. Uwele kahle Mtaka Jama ngoba uwele uphakathi komhlane neMbeleko. Wathi kubuya wabuya ngomkhumbi wezinyembezi ezikhalwe amagumbi amane omhlaba. Usinqunqu kakhulu yebo akanamlomo. Sukuma mntaka Bhejane uyayibona imilomo iyavunana ezweni.

Kuvunane Izidwaba kithi kwaKhetha. Ezitshathe emikhonto zathi zikuphangisa esithebeni eMgungundlovu. Kanti bazigwazwe ngowabo balibale ukuyibamba kuhle kwaMantungwa. Uncwadi zaphuma ubusaphasapha, enye ibheke kwelabashokobezi eMgungundlovu.

Enye ibheke esizweni esimisuZulu wonkane. Unesibindi Buthelezi ngokukhuthazela umtaka Bhejane. Bemphunga bephequla. Bethi Zulu ngekusibuse awugcagcelwe, kawukaqini. Kazi wawukuphi sifungi iLembekazi wawukuphi sifunga Umbomboshe omnyama. Inkosi abavume ezizweni, bayivume emaphepheni. Bayivume kwezo Chwepheshe. Sithuka sebeyiphika esendeni. Ubhamu zaphuma kabi ngoba zaphuma ekhwapheni lamavaka. Abazihlohle sebedele amaqiniso. Mabili engiwabongayo, ngimthanda eMisuzulu ngathanda eMisuNgwane. Unkomo zagqabula umgoqo wamagumgedlela zibheke kwaNgwane.

Ezinye zisakhulekiwe konini. Zaqhutshwa uMgilitsha emaHhashini neNyosi eMdletsheni. Ngithande zibuya zithwele indlovu emnyama. Siyifaniso neNdlovu emnyama yas'Ondini. Siyifanisa noMbomboshe omnyama Emgungundlovu. Siyifanisa noMqwalajuba kwaDlamahlahla. Simfanisa neMbeje kwaMinya.

Unogaqa ngesamfonya kwelo Khuvethe. uGagane lukaNdaba ebelingahlabi muntu belihlaba umuntu ngoba elinyathele. Intini edungamanzi kwaKhetha. Abaphuze kuwo bangangatheka. Bayoshona ngesikhala samaJaji uNqayiza beyithibela. Ithitshelwe esendeni. Yavunywa ezizweni.

uHlohloloza ngeNdlovu enohlanya. Indlovu ethe umuka babe beyixokozela. Intaka ebekelwe ukuqulwa kwecala. Ezinye izintaka zibekelwa uju. Ihwanqa elimzimba muhle nangesilo. Ozindlebe Zinhle azinandawo yakusolwa. Omadevu ansansa awanandawo yakusolwa. Omehlo mahle awanandawo yakusolwa...Obe zingalo Zinhle azinandawo. Yebo yakusolwa!!! Indoda kusuka ngakhula ngiyizwa. Namuhla lokhu cishe ngayibona ngamehlo. Zitholene phezulu izidleke zengqungqulu. Esinye sikhwaza amaJaji eMgumngundlovu. Esinye sibuki Ngonyama. Angiqondi isiphi esabhidlika.

Kwathi sabhidlika Emgungundlovu. Amathe abuyele kwasifuba eNdlovini. Usifuba singungubele. Sigodle ukububula. Nyakamumbe sesiyakububula. Umuntu uyozizwa izindaba. Ukhozi lukaPhunga noMageba Ulunkanise kwangathi alinamaphiko. Kanti lithebele izindlandla.

Abaluthintayo luyobaqhwanda. Uyohlinza adele umelaphi. Indaba yenziwe ngakithi kwaZulu. Abadle iNtunda bebhekene. Kandukuya ebandla. Ahhh zingakanani izinyembezi ezingakhalela Unozinyembezi?Izinyembezi ezanele ukulilela Iqanda elilodwana likaMjokwane.

Lona elingumama lona elingu Baba. Unyawo aludele nyathu koLinyathele lapho nalapho  Oyise noyiseMkhulu abangasakufika. Ngoba lufike eMelika kwelabamhlophe abelungu uZulu omnyama ongqondo zimhlophe. Zidida abafundisi kwaNqondokulu. Emelika kwelabamhlophe abelungu.

Deda mathimboxo nami mavaka. Sengathi ekaJininindi iyawuvusa imilando. Emdala eyayenziwa ngoyise noyiseMkhulu. Iphiva elithushwana abalizengele la lingalele ngakhona elibe kulala langange. Zinyane lathi kuvuka langange Ngonyama. Simise Ndaba, Simise Zulu leNgqondovu, Uyibinda Bayede. 🙌🏾

10 Exceptional African Queens We All Should Know

 

Amen.

Thabo Mbeki - I Am an African

 

Whilst my disagreement with TM is very public, once upon a time... he raised me. He was a father to many of us, he taught us about being disciplined and dedicated to Africa's renewal. TM was one man who didn't care about being liked, but cared about progress and excellence. As his student, I drank from his well and was nourished deeply. He remains one of the strongest unifying forces that this continent has ever seen. Jama ka Sjadu, Zizi Elihle, eyakho indima uyidlalile and usiqeqeshile kushushu kunzima. Enkosi Jama. 

Where you and I have disagreed, let history be left alone to absolve us both. My sister died from Aids, and I still believe you could have prevented it. But besides that, you were one of the greatest leaders to light a fire under us as a generation, you took the time to realise that we needed mentorship, we need a school. And you took it upon yourself to be our teacher, flawed as you were. I admire you for that Zizi elihle.

My book 'Dangerous Blacks' was greatly inspired by you and your obsession with intellectual enquiry. We can't be basic as leaders, we need to spend time thinking and researching and questioning and evaluating. 

Tata Ndiyabulela.

Dr. John Henrik Clarke - The African Man and Goddess (Mind Blowing!)

 

Dr John Henrik Clarke on Malcolm X

 

Dr John Henrik Clarke on Cheik Anta Diop

God Talk and the African Roots of Faith with Dr. Anthony Browder 

Unraveled (A book That Must Be Written)

Okay, this is a book in the making. But it all came to me in one night. Coincidentally the night my husband came home after a 4 day work trip. There’s something about his energy, his presence that calms and focusses me. I’d been trying to write whilst he was away and didn’t really get far. But on this night, everything just clicked. He does have that power on me, and I’m grateful for it.

So, this is a book I’ve been working on for a while and I haven’t really decided on a title for it, even this is a “working title” and may change, but I know the story I wish to tell. The story of Ukuba Nabadala.

For a lot of people with ‘abadala’ people often ask questions like: What are the signs that you have a calling? Others ask what are the golden rules to live by if you’ve got a calling. I don’t believe I’ve got the authority to answer either of these questions definitively, but I can share what lessons I’ve learnt (and am still learning) on this journey.

1) Forgive Everything

2) Awuzenzanga / Awuzenzi (related to No. 1)

3) Izitha kumelwe zize. 

4) There will be pain. (Pain often comes from betrayal No. 3)

5) You WILL change (your mood, what you like, what music you listen to etc.)

6) Ecstasy.

7) Engage both your intellect and your imagination on this journey. But there will be times when both fail you.

8) You have 10 000 + guides walking with you, rooting for you, loving you. All the way.

9) Surrender.

10) Get used to Miracles / Coincidences in your favour.

11) Listen and honour your subconscious (mostly dreams and gut feelings).

12) The universe conspired to create you as you are for this role. The answers you seek are not out there, but within.

13) Every family ought to have its own Sangoma. Your primary role is to heal yourself and your family. *always remember this!*

14) Isangoma sivuswa ingoma. Dance and sing your way through it all. (This may not apply to everyone, but has been my reality)

15) Fluidity. Change is the only constant in life.

16) Intwaso is meant to train you to 1) surrender 2) manage idlozi 3) teach you to serve. (and serving is not the same as surrendering, I can surrender my CEO title, but still not be doing what I’m meant to do. Which is to SERVE. That’s why it’s called a CALLING)

17) The more you give, the more you receive. That’s why you give for free (more often than not)

18) What you offer isn’t cheap. It’s priceless. Know your worth.

19) It’s okay to like the finer things in life. Amakhosi abantu basebu Khosini. Don’t be sorry you’re not basic.

20) There’s a reason why you’re so emotional. Your calling is linked to the things that move you most (whether to anger you, whether to excite you, whether to inspire you).

21) Zazi.

22) You cannot do this alone. Find your tribe.

23) This was a previous point but it also needs to live on its own. Engage Your Imagination.

24) Respect.

25) The 10 000 are rooting for you. Even as you read this.It’s painful but it’s not hard. Just like childbirth. You understand the pain because something greater is coming.

26) Izangoma zinolaka. You’re not alone. Sometimes those you walk with can smell BS a mile away. Remember Rule No. 1.

27) Those who are not us actually envy our access to the truth.

28) Stop. Explaining. Yourself. (Tell them to buy this book)

29) Have a teachable spirit. Always be open to learning. From plants, to children, to people, to seasons. Never close yourself to learning something new.

30) God likes you. That’s why (he/she) chose you. Learn to like YOU too.

After all is said and done, every single one of us has a Calling. The calling to be true to the path your ancestors chose when they decided you were to be born. A big part of it is about healing generational wounds. We are deeply broken as a people, and need to do the 'shadow work' to heal what our great great great grandparents went through. Whilst also healing the wounds we ourselves face. Being black. Being Here. Being called 'failed experiments' after generations of abuse and degradation. We need to heal.

But over and above that. We are all called to chase our inner ecstasy. Our greatest joy and the most orgasmic experience that defines you, to you, for you. We are called to chase love. Chase it with all our hearts, and chase it every day of our lives until our last breath. 

Because in doing that, we will know God. 

An Epiphany

 ONE OF THE MOST DEVASTATING VIOLENCES ON THE PSYCHE OF AFRICANS IS THE DEMANDS OF RELIGION TO REAP FORGIVENESS WHERE JUSTICE WAS NEVER PLANTED. AND TO KNOW THAT EVEN ON THE OTHER SIDE, NO JUSTICE AWAITS.

The Regeneration of Africa - Pixley ka Isaka Seme (1906)

I have chosen to speak to you on this occasion upon "The Regeneration of Africa." I am an African, and I set my pride in my race over against a hostile public opinion. Men have tried to compare races on the basis of some equality. In all the works of nature, equality, if by it we mean identity, is an impossible dream! Search the universe! You will find no two units alike. The scientists tell us there are no two cells, no two atoms, identical. Nature has bestowed upon each a peculiar individuality, an exclusive patent from the great giants of the forest to the tenderest blade. 
Catch in your hand, if you please, the gentle flakes of snow. Each is a perfect gem, a new creation; it shines in its own glory - a work of art different from all of its aerial companions. Man, the crowning achievement of nature, defies analysis. He is a mystery through all ages and for all time. The races of mankind are composed of free and unique individuals. An attempt to compare them on the basis of equality can never be finally satisfactory. Each is self. 
My thesis stands on this truth; time has proved it. In all races, genius is like a spark, which, concealed in the bosom of a flint, bursts forth at the summoning stroke. It may arise anywhere and in any race. I would ask you not to compare Africa to Europe or to any other continent. I make this request not from any fear that such comparison might bring humiliation upon Africa. 
The reason I have stated,-a common standard is impossible! Come with me to the ancient capital of Egypt, Thebes, the city of one hundred gates. The grandeur of its venerable ruins and the gigantic proportions of its architecture reduce to insignificance the boasted monuments of other nations. The pyramids of Egypt are structures to which the world presents nothing comparable. The mighty monuments seem to look with disdain on every other work of human art and to vie with nature herself. All the glory of Egypt belongs to Africa and her people. 
These monuments are the indestructible memorials of their great and original genius. it is not through Egypt alone that Africa claims such unrivalled historic achievements. I could have spoken of the pyramids of Ethiopia, which, though inferior in size to those of Egypt, far surpass them in architectural beauty; their sepulchres which evince the highest purity of taste, and of many prehistoric ruins in other parts of Africa. In such ruins Africa is like the golden sun, that, having sunk beneath the western horizon, still plays upon the world which he sustained and enlightened in his career. Justly the world now demands- "Whither is fled the visionary gleam, Where is it now, the glory and the dream?" 
Oh, for that historian who, with the open pen of truth, will bring to Africa`s claim the strength of written proof. He will tell of a race whose onward tide was often swelled with tears, but in whose heart bondage has not quenched the fire of former years. He will write that in these later days when Earth`s noble ones are named, she has a roll of honor too, of whom she is not ashamed. The giant is awakening! From the four corners of the earth Africa`s sons, who have been proved through fire and sword, are marching to the future`s golden door bearing the records of deeds of valor done. 
Mr. Calhoun, I believe, was the most philosophical of all the slaveholders. He said once that if he could find a black man who could understand the Greek syntax, he would then consider their race human, and his attitude toward enslaving them would therefore change. What might have been the sensation kindled by the Greek syntax in the mind of the famous Southerner, I have so far been unable to discover; but oh, I envy the moment that was lost! And woe to the tongues that refused to tell the truth! If any such were among the now living, I could show him among black men of pure African blood those who could repeat the Koran from memory, skilled in Latin, Greek and Hebrew, Arabic and Chaldaic - men great in wisdom and profound knowledge - one professor of philosophy in a celebrated German university; one corresponding member of the French Academy of Sciences, who regularly transmitted to that society meteorological observations, and hydrographical journals and papers on botany and geology; another whom many ages call "The Wise," whose authority Mahomet himself frequently appealed to in the Koran in support of his own opinion-men of wealth and active benevolence, those whose distinguished talents and reputation have made them famous in the cabinet and in the field, officers of artillery in the great armies of Europe, generals and lieutenant generals in the armies of Peter the Great in Russia and Napoleon in France, presidents of free republics, kings of independent nations which have burst their way to liberty by their own vigor. 
There are many other Africans who have shown marks of genius and high character sufficient to redeem their race from the charges which I am now considering. Ladies and gentlemen, the day of great exploring expeditions in Africa is over! Man knows his home now in a sense never known before. Many great and holy men have evinced a passion for the day you are now witnessing their prophetic vision shot through many unborn centuries to this very hour. "Men shall run to and fro," said Daniel, "and knowledge shall increase upon the earth." Oh, how true! See the triumph of human genius to-day! Science has searched out the deep things of nature, surprised the secrets of the most distant stars, disentombed the memorials of everlasting hills, taught the lightning to speak, the vapors to toil and the winds to worship-spanned the sweeping rivers, tunneled the longest mountain range-made the world a vast whispering gallery, and has brought foreign nations into one civilized family. 
This all-powerful contact says even to the most backward race, you cannot remain where you are, you cannot fall back, you must advance! A great century has come upon us. No race possessing the inherent capacity to survive can resist and remain unaffected by this influence of contact and intercourse, the backward with the advanced. This influence constitutes the very essence of efficient progress and of civilization. From these heights of the twentieth century I again ask you to cast your eyes south of the Desert of Sahara. If you could go with me to the oppressed Congos and ask, What does it mean, that now, for liberty, they fight like men and die like martyrs; if you would go with me to Bechuanaland, face their council of headmen and ask what motives caused them recently to decree so emphatically that alcoholic drinks shall not enter their country - visit their king, Khama, ask for what cause he leaves the gold and ivory palace of his ancestors, its mountain strongholds and all its august ceremony, to wander daily from village to village through all his kingdom, without a guard or any decoration of his rank - a preacher of industry and education, and an apostle of the new order of things; if you would ask Menelik what means this that Abyssinia is now looking across the ocean - oh, if you could read the letters that come to us from Zululand - you too would be convinced that the elevation of the African race is evidently a part of the new order of things that belong to this new and powerful period. 
The African already recognizes his anomalous position and desires a change. The brighter day is rising upon Africa. Already I seem to see her chains dissolved, her desert plains red with harvest, her Abyssinia and her Zululand the seats of science and religion, reflecting the glory of the rising sun from the spires of their churches and universities. Her Congo and her Gambia whitened with commerce, her crowded cities sending forth the hum of business, and all her sons employed in advancing the victories of peace-greater and more abiding than the spoils of war. Yes, the regeneration of Africa belongs to this new and powerful period! By this term regeneration I wish to be understood to mean the entrance into a new life, embracing the diverse phases of a higher, complex existence. 
The basic factor which assures their regeneration resides in the awakened race-consciousness. This gives them a clear perception of their elemental needs and of their undeveloped powers. It therefore must lead them to the attainment of that higher and advanced standard of life. The African people, although not a strictly homogeneous race, possess a common fundamental sentiment which is everywhere manifest, crystallizing itself into one common controlling idea. Conflicts and strife are rapidly disappearing before the fusing force of this enlightened perception of the true intertribal relation, which relation should subsist among a people with a common destiny. Agencies of a social, economic and religious advance tell of a new spirit which, acting as a leavening ferment, shall raise the anxious and aspiring mass to the level of their ancient glory. The ancestral greatness, the unimpaired genius, and the recuperative power of the race, its irrepressibility, which assures its permanence, constitute the African`s greatest source of inspiration. He has refused to camp forever on the borders of the industrial world; having learned that knowledge is power, he is educating his children. 
You find them in Edinburgh, in Cambridge, and in the great schools of Germany. These return to their country like arrows, to drive darkness from the land. I hold that his industrial and educational initiative, and his untiring devotion to these activities, must be regarded as positive evidences of this process of his regeneration. The regeneration of Africa means that a new and unique civilization is soon to be added to the world. The African is not a proletarian in the world of science and art. He has precious creations of his own, of ivory, of copper and of gold, fine, plated willow-ware and weapons of superior workmanship. Civilization resembles an organic being in its development-it is born, it perishes, and it can propagate itself. More particularly, it resembles a plant, it takes root in the teeming earth, and when the seeds fall in other soils new varieties sprout up. T
he most essential departure of this new civilization is that it shall be thoroughly spiritual and humanistic -indeed a regeneration moral and eternal! O Africa! Like some great century plant that shall bloom In ages hence, we watch thee; in our dream See in thy swamps the Prospero of our stream; Thy doors unlocked, where knowledge in her tomb Hath lain innumerable years in gloom. Then shalt thou, walking with that morning gleam, Shine as thy sister lands with equal beam.

Erykah Badu - 1997

Tea

There’s nothing particularly black about Mandela, TM or Cupcake. All 3 are loved by those who would wish to wish away inconvenient blackness in the likes of Zuma or Malema. The 3 are diplomatic, eloquent and amicable. 

The times we’re in though, they call for something a little different. Mandela’s reconciliation is laughable as we realise how he was duped with the sunset clauses, Mbeki’s intellectual rhetoric is meaningless as we all realise how his poetry did nothing for the masses dying from AIDS, and no progress was made for the poor and disenfranchised. 

Ramaphosa did position himself as somewhat different. Already a billionaire, many thought he was the best option as he wouldn’t be greedy enough since he already had so much.

Sadly, we were so very wrong.

But then there was that revolutionary tweet. “We need to meet for tea, it’s urgent.”

So many of us saw our hopes for a black agenda resurrected. When a white man commented, Julius’s response further reassured us: “This is a meeting of black people if you don’t mind.”

Personally, I danced and ululated when I saw that. Finally! Finally we were done fighting each other and were recognising the real issue.

Maybe I’m too idealistic, maybe I’m naive. But it really is about time when we realised that the real issues are:

- Land

- Economic Emancipation 

- Black Emancipation 

- Media Freedom

Did I mention land?

Seriously though. The past 27 years have been a joke if we as Africans can’t claim our own land. The 3 tend to pacify us into submission but both Zuma and Malema are very frank. The goal is Land (listen to Zuma’s speech at Mandela’s funeral). 

Anyone who deviates from that, is not for us.

As For Soulmates

I Was Here

 

Reflections on 2020 - FB Note

 

After posting 106 Facebook Notes in the past 14 years, I recently realised that the Notes function has been disabled. Of course I freaked out, panicked and maybe a tear or two was shed.

It's been my ritual every single year since 2007 to write a Note reflecting on the year that had passed. Not only that, I've written notes during some of the most important moments of my life (during my pregnancy, when my sister died, during various highs and lows of my 20's and 30's). This Notes function has been my lifeline in a big way, not only that... I always thought that one day I'd compile all the notes into a book. Something about FB notes has always left me feeling like I was recording an important moment (day / hour / second) in history. I may forget what it felt like a year later, but in that moment, I always had to honour the truth of that one second.

So, here I am, getting ready to post (albeit a late post of) a reflection on my 2020. I go to where I usually go, look for the Notes button... and it's not there. A similar kind of panic rushed over me as the one I felt recently when I was convinced I had COVID. From the fever, to the sweating and difficulty breathing, I really thought I might actually be dying.

As shallow as it might seem, (when I thought I had COVID) I really thought that if I have a week or two left to live, can my books be made public. I just did the calculation now, and if I dropped dead today, there would be 10 books that I've written (12 if you include the Coffee Table Book I did years ago and also a compilation of my 106 FB notes). It wouldn't be about fame, or awards, just paying homage to the fact that writing was my greatest love and I dedicated my life to it. I imagine very few people having any interest in my work, but my son one day growing up and wanting to know what occupied the mind/heart/soul of the woman who gave birth to him. So, if for no one else, I want my writing to outlive me.

But my notes have not always been about leaving a legacy, I've always believed that leaders are readers, but even more importantly, leaders reflect. You can't just exist from day to day without taking stock of where you've been or where you're going. So, since 2007, I've always reflected on the year I had previously.

So, for anyone who might be wondering how I know that I've written 106 notes, it's because just tonight, I went online to find out what Facebook has done with our Notes and how we can recover them. Having received the tutorial on how to recover notes, I counted them all. 106. 106 times when I poured out my heart and soul on this app, in the Notes.

But the point of this whole exercise was to reflect on 2020. One of the happiest years of my life. I've been reciting what I'll write for weeks now, and it's actually quite simple.

For me, 2020 was unyaka ka Jobe. UJobe walahlekelwa yikho konke, up to a point where his wife said: "Thuka uNkulunkulu, ufe." I know that feeling, I know how it is to lose it all in the eyes of the world, and to be left destitute. But onyakeni ka Jobe, it was all restored 7 x over. My sanity, my spirituality, my career, my relationships, my art. It was all brought back 7 fold ngonyaka ka Jobe. Ngesikhathi umhlaba wonke ulila, I felt the warm embrace of God surrounding me more than it ever had before. 2020 restored my faith in family, in friendship and in myself.

The hardest part of my own journey has been in those moments when things were going badly and the voices inside my head told me "you deserve it, in fact, you deserve worse." So, when 2020 came around, I wasn't expecting more than 'my share of suffering' let alone the amazing grace that came with 2020.

I'd say the highlights definitely included the restoration of my relationship with my mom, endless quality time with my son because of lockdown and just getting back into the game (nje). Of course 26 July 2020 will go down in the history books as a special day, kodwa I feel that other events in 2020 outshine it. Particularly Christmas Day. I have always resented Christmas since 2007, but on this particular Christmas day, the memory of 2007 only hit me late at night. I spent the day being happy, cooking for my family and spending the afternoon with my dad, it was the most perfect day.

So, here I am. No longer able to post a Note to reflect on the past year, but I'm still so deeply grateful. Grateful for life, for family, for my beautiful husband and our amazing son. I'm grateful that uma umhlabeleli uthi "ngimuthanda ngob' inceba zakhe zimi ngunaphakade" I can bear testimony to that. God's promises endureth forever.

I've already resigned myself to the fact that 2021 may be a tough year, and that's okay. If there's one thing my dad taught me in the last 2 years is that, life isn't meant to be perfect everyday. The tough times make you more appreciative of the good.

Covid is here. Our loved ones are vulnerable, we are vulnerable. But that doesn't mean we can't rejoice in the beauty and majesty of the God we serve.

Esimkhonzayo siyamazi.

Reflections on 2019 - FB Note

 2019 was in a league of its own bandla shame. 

At the end of each year I make it a point to reflect on the lessons learnt, as I sit and reflect on 2019 I’m filled with a rush of emotions, not all of them pleasant. 2019 stretched me beyond anything I’ve ever experienced, it was a year of catatonic shifts, catastrophic and cathartic experiences. In my own mother tongue, bekufiwa.

If I could summarize the major lessons for the year they’d be:

1) What you resist, persists.
2) It’s possible to keep going beyond your (perceived) lowest point.
3) Kuyahlekwa noma kufiwe.
4) Love heals (this lesson I have to thank my son for).
5) God doesn’t need our permission or even our faith.
6) You owe no one an explanation for your spiritual path.
7) There is no shame in being unwell.

8 ) It’s not a crime to fall out of love (with people, careers, hobbies, places).
9) The human mind is incredibly powerful.
10) My father taught me the meaning of “for better or worse”.

Black Mental Health Matters

 

"Liberation Requires Critical & Creative Thought" - Paulo Freire

 

When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer

 When I heard the learn’d astronomer,

When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,

When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,

When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,

Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,

In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,

Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

Memory Matters - Ausi Lebo Mashile

 Memory Matters Quotes

“Perspective in the memory game is really power. We all know that the pen that writes the story is the pen that ultimately controls perspective, controls the memory, controls the psyche of the people who will be on the receiving end of that memory.”

“Perspective shapes our emotional responses to the story. Perspective decides who is important in the story, who do we empathise with? Who do we feel sympathy for? Who gets remembered? Who are the victors, who are the villains.”

“We have a memory crisis. The signifiers of our memory as a nation don’t accurately reflect the lived experiences of our people. The people who have written into our history what these signifiers mean, don’t look like me. What does that mean? It means that in our national consciousness there are gaping holes, there are massive pockets of silence. And where there’s silence, ultimately there will be violence.”

In South Africa we don’t have an emotional vocabulary. We have 2 emotions. Euphoria and Rage.

2 Sides of the Same Coin

 

I recently realised just how similar (in character) my father and my husband are. It wasn’t really a new thought, over the years I’ve often commented on things that Sakhile does that remind me of my dad, but it recently really Really hit me. These two men are so much alike!

Now, the reality is that I didn’t get married young like most of my friends. I wrote books, travelled, got to explore life before finally settling down (Yes, I’m old shame). When I look back at my dating life, no one ever really measured up to my dad. I liked men who were well read (My dad is the ultimate reader!), who were physically attractive (wayebaba shame uBaba in his youth) and of course men who were creative, which my dad is. But I think I want to list the reasons why my husband stood out, and how his similarities to my father proved to me that he’s the man I want to spend my life with.

Starting with their protectiveness over me, if you ever really want to see their BP rise up, mess with me.

They love music. My dad (in an inebriated state I must admit) recently said: “I love music more than I even love you”). This made me chuckle because in the years I’ve known Sakhile, when he’s deep into his craft, nothing else exists. Crowds cheer, we dance but to him it’s not even about that. Music is something spiritual to him, and in my most insecure moments it’s the one thing I’ve always believed he loves more than Uhuru and me.

People absolutely love them. My dad is called “iNkosi” amongst his friends and throughout my life people have just always loved and respected him. Sakhile is the same in how without even trying, people fall in love with him. It was the same in Kenya, I struggled to make friends but he had so many friends and it was all effortless. Even after we came back to South Africa his friends from Kenya still hold him in high regard. I would attribute this to just how genuine both these men are, they never suck up so you know that if they like you it’s real. They are both just so enigmatic (Big word I know)!

Besides music, they’re both just unapologetically creative. They seem to be in tune with nature and art in a way that’s so profound. I once called my dad a black hippie and whilst I wouldn’t really call Sakhile that, he’s also guided by his creative side in a way that I just adore.

They love farming. Yes my husband and I are farmers but I don’t really light up at the thought of getting muddy and dirty. But for both of them it seems to be the ultimate therapy. My father is 70 years old but wakes up daily to tend to his plants, Sakhile is also just so passionate about farming that I feel guilty for not sharing his passion sometimes. For me farming has always represented living off the grid, having open space to write and to commune with nature. The two of them are attracted to the labour and the sweating and the harvesting. I don’t really get it but hey,

They both HATE being complimented or taking the credit for what they’ve done. I want to tag Sakhile on this note but I have a feeling he won’t accept the tag. He’s just not about the hype. I could write a book about times when both of them have done incredible things, been there for me and stood up for me. But I know that will just embarrass them both, they’re not really about all that.

They don’t care about what others think. This is pertinent for me because I’ve spent most of my life caring what others think. They both have this ‘whatever’ attitude when it comes to other peoples opinions and I happen to admire that.

The last point is deeply personal. At the darkest point in my life, they are the two people who refused to let go. My fathers words were “We will leave no stone unturned” and Sakhile’s actions were to visit me in hospital daily and just reassure me with his actions: Angiyi Ndawo.

Most people don’t get to be blessed with such two men in their life, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve them but they are quite honestly my rocks. Society is often putting black men down but I happen to have been blessed with a husband and a father who are my heroes. To this list I have to add my brothers uLucky no Khumbula noMsa. These wonderful, generous, forgiving, loving, caring and nurturing Zulu men have been there for me and with me through it all. I could write a book (and probably will), but today I just wanted to reflect on the love, the amazing black love, that means so much to me.

Reflections on 2018 - The Year of Makunyiwe

 In 2018 I turned 33, and it also happened to be my double-crown birthday. So it’s been (and continues to be) a year of major shifts in my life. Some that were voluntary and others that I never could’ve seen coming. More than it being a year of great achievement, 2018 was a year of setting (and if I’m honest, testing) foundations. It was the universe propelling me towards what is still quite a ‘magic carpet ride’ and also the year of shedding a lot of weight / baggage whilst going deeper into my most authentic self. The journey has been anything but smooth, but the process was deeply necessary. The quote in the image above came to me when I imagined how different my life would’ve been if I was born 50 or 100 years ago. It was either this pic or the one with the line: ‘Walk as if you’ve got 10 000 ancestors walking behind you.’ The sentiment is the same as it relates to me being the culmination of thousands of years of evolution and embracing how far we’ve come as Africans. I also like the reference to madness, in 2018 I think I regained my title as ‘that crazy one’ in the family. They say some people suffer from insanity whilst others find joy in their madness. I’ve always aspired to be the latter. The 3 biggest highlights (not farming related) from my year from a growth point of view are: 1) Getting retrenched at the beginning of the year (2) The Secret To Money App and (3) my family giving their blessing for me to really explore my path into Afrikan spirituality. The decision to quit alcohol was also a major highlight, but more a by-product of me no longer needing the escape that alcohol offered, because I was no longer living a life I needed to escape from. Not to mention the Cost / Benefit ratio of drinking. Alcohol is not only expensive it’s taxing on the body and spirit. To everyone who asks if I’ll ever drink again, my answer has been: Maybe some day, for now all I know is that I need space, and to rediscover who I am without booze.

Below is a summary of some of the biggest lessons learnt in 2018.

1. When the ground is not fertile, most of your efforts will be futile. This was imparted to me by a very special lady whose wisdom, passion and ‘swag’ inspires me a great deal. The lesson was related to self-development and spiritual growth. Other teachers throughout the year validated this lesson, and I even recall 2 parables in the bible with a similar teaching. The one is about the man who built his house on a rock whilst another built his on the sand, and the other parable is about the sower of seeds in different types of soil. For me personally, this related to ‘getting my house in order’ before wanting to conquer the world. Basic things like taking care of my health, eating well, breathing, making time to meditate and also supplementing my diet with healthy superfoods (i.e. Moringa, I now swear by it!). It also spoke to being deliberate about what I spend my time and energy on. At a spiritual level it spoke to making a concerted effort to get closer to (my) God by studying and spending time with people who share my Afrikan Spirituality beliefs.
2. I’ve grown up hearing the term: ‘You do not receive because you do not ask’ in relation to prayer and it’s always made me feel guilty for forgetting to list something or mention someone when I pray. But this year I learnt the value of being specific and clear about what I want from my life (myself, relationships, career). The more time I spend with people who’re fulfilled / successful in their lives, the more I realise how important it is to be very clear about what you want.
3. There are 2 images / memes that people like to share that have always intrigued and also scared me. The one is the image of the donkey that’s tied to a plastic chair. It’s accompanied by the caption: ‘Sometimes the chains that prevent us from being free are more mental than physical’. The 2nd one is an image of a man who’s in a deep hole that is filled with ladders. But rather than use one of the ladders to step out of the hole, he stacks the ladders on top of each other and still can’t reach the top. Both of these scare me because the idea of having all the necessary resources at my disposal and still remaining stuck is troubling. Learning to recognise limiting thoughts and assumptions was a valuable lesson in 2018.
4. The single biggest lesson I learnt in 2018 was to change my relationship with money. That’s where ‘The Secret To Money App’ comes in. I can’t really describe all the benefits of having installed the app, but the major one was to quantify what happiness is for myself. Having an hour long conversation with an old friend and putting a monetary value to that, spending time with my son, working on the farm and learning new things. All of this put into perspective my decision to never work for a boss again. The exercises also allowed me to identify what means the most to me, like the idea of having a rich & fulfilling life rather than spending money accumulating ‘stuff’. I remember each time I got a call from recruiters and the knot at the pit of my stomach each time I think of going back into the rat race (working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week) and losing my newfound freedom. I won’t lie and say it’s been smooth sailing because it hasn’t, but as I was telling a friend recently: “This life is more ME than corporate life ever was.”
5. This lesson seems to be linked to a few I’ve already mentioned but I decided to put it separately because of it’s significance. In 2018 I learnt to live a life based on my biggest values (Excellence, Freedom and Honesty, as per the tattoo on my back). Freedom being the biggest one, whilst also defining what excellence and honesty mean for me now that I’m no longer part of the corporate sector. Living from my biggest values has also been the most rewarding part of my journey as I’ve personally defined for myself what success means to me.
6. It’s okay to be a work-in-progress and a masterpiece at the same time. I’ve been debating whether to add some experiences that took place this year as part of my reflections and if I’m honest, I’m now at peace with the idea that some things cannot be explained, only experienced.
7. One of the most liberating decisions I made this year was to no longer post every aspect of my life on social media (particularly Facebook). To let a birthday go by, an amazing holiday / receive great news and not feel compelled to bare my soul on Facebook. This is mainly because over the years I’ve realised that I spend more time capturing and sharing rather than savouring each moment. Likes and comments can also cause anxiety as they either validate or nullify the importance of the experience. I now choose to immerse myself in the moment a lot more, I would highly recommend it!

If nothing else, 2018 was the year of undergoing a metamorphosis (similar to caterpillars turning into butterflies). It wasn’t easy, but as I mentioned earlier, deeply necessary.

I will add more as we wrap the year to a close, and hopefully also reflect on my dreams / vision / prayers for 2019. After all is said and done, the universe is unfolding as it should.

Ozithobayo

uMaDlamini

Remember Fezekile (2017 FB Note)

 Remember Fezekile. Oh My God. I have yet to meet another woman who has been so persecuted for her truth in South Africa’s modern history as much as Mam’ Winnie Mandela was.. She was totally dehumanised, vilified and oh-so misunderstood.

After reading her book, the thing about Fezekile is that she was a terrible liar, terrible witness and terrible victim too. Victims are meant to be broken, yet her light refused to die. That alone birthed a lot of suspicion (we tried to kill you, why are you not dead). Fezekile wasn’t calculating, you have to be calculating when facing a rape trial with the most powerful man you’ve ever met, but she wasn’t. She was trusting, honest and unfortunately very human.

I love names. I always believe that they’re somewhat prophetic. Her name was not Khwezi, it was Fezekile. The meaning: It’s Been Concluded.

He got away with so much, even his atrocious betrayal of his comrade by violating his daughter. But when she came, It Was Concluded. Every once in a while, the under-dogs don’t take the abuse lying down, they fight back.

Fezekile was a catalyst, an unlikely heroine and the one who finally drew the line on the sand for the whole world. You’re either on the side of misogyny, rape and patriarchy or you’re on the side of the innocent, the fools the ones who were so very easy to take advantage of. Fezekile was the latter, but she was also no one’s fool. No one’s playing ground and no one’s victim. She’d been a victim when she was 5 years old, again when she was 12 and 13. But as a grown adult, violated by a powerful man, she refused to own the victim label.

There’s so much. So, so much that inspires and breaks me about this story. I’m not even talking politically, but emotionally.

Reading this book resurrected some wounds, highlighted my own prejudice and finally got me out of my ‘silent mode’. I’ve been in silent mode for months. He was so powerful, I was so weak and he won. They stood by whilst he did what he did, then later they came by not to offer their condolences, but to get ‘the scoop’ on what had really happened. Only he and I know what happened, at that level at least. My husband was left to sign papers and commit me into an institution, and watch me as I unraveled before his eyes from day to day.

Powerful men who have no accountability for their actions can be so dangerous. I keep revisiting a friendship I had back in Nairobi, I thought my friend would be there. But he was also very close to him, power is more attractive I guess. He could have spoken up, he saw what was going on, but he didn’t. My friend’s silence hurts more than His betrayal. I never had very high standards for Him, he was always just very self-serving and dare I say, narcissistic. But my friend. I wished my friend could have spoken up or at least reached out. But my friend didn’t.

It’s incredible how my leaving South Africa was enshrined in drama and such pain, but I walked through it foreseeing better times ahead. And then my return was off the back pain of even more pain and betrayal. I don’t regret leaving, or returning home. The universe just happens to have its own sense of humour I guess. But Fezekile’s book has resurrected some wounds, deep ones at that. The thing is, I’ve always had the proof, have always had the evidence to show that what they’d done to me was not right. But I just get defeated sometimes, I know who I am and I know what my weaknesses are, and I know. I know that someone like me doesn’t win such fights.

At this point I wish I could whisper: I’m crazy, no one believes us crazy ones.

There’s a recurring story in my family, the one about me or ‘that one’. She’s made so much money, the world thinks she’s got everything but they don’t know. They don’t know that we know that she’s just crazy. When she gets shipped off into institutions, when she loses jobs because of her madness, the world never gets to hear about it, but siyazi. Uhlanya lwa lay’khaya lolu. Doctors have failed for years to fix her, and when we heard she was getting married we were all worried, ‘useyohlanya emzini yabantu!’

But I wish I had a chance to explain myself. How does one even begin to explain though? How does one even begin to fight the truth, as is the case with Khwezi. It’s so easy to fall victim. I’ve always hated the victim label. After the first rape, one of the 3 things I declared was that, ‘I’m no one’s victim!’. I can own my eccentricities, I can own my madness and if need be, I can own the consequences of how naïve I am.

This afternoon I asked my husband if he would be okay with me writing about him, his response was ‘do you, as long as you don’t mention my name’. I’m okay with that. I won’t mention his name, but I will speak about my journey as someone who’s always had to be sorry. I was sorry when I was so bubbly and friendly and caring that they thought I wanted what they did to me. I was sorry when bills were stacking up and it was all on my shoulders, I was sorry that as heavy as it was, I couldn’t just say: ‘I need a break’.

But this is not about what He did to me, this is about all that reading Redi Tlabi’s book about Fezekile has awoken in me.

I will not walk through my life as a victim, judge what you will but I won’t. I was raised by principled black men, am married to an amazing husband and am raising a Zulu son. The ‘Men Are Trash’ narrative doesn’t resonate with me because we are co-creating this reality with these men and giving birth to them, and marrying them and having them as bosses and siblings. So, if they are trash, so are we. Yes, I said it!

Back to my sister Fezekile. Where do I even begin. We, I failed you so much. It’s no secret that I’m a very proud Zulu. Even when I lived abroad, I resonated more with my Zulu heritage than my South African origins. A ‘proud Zulu’ man did this to you. He saw your flame, your flaws and decided he had the right to devour your fire without your permission. He had his needs, they were more urgent than your dignity to him and he trampled on you with no care for the implications. You were delicious, he was hungry, end of story.

That is our story, I guess. They were hungry, we were delicious at the time. End of story.

I was telling my husband (who will remain unnamed as requested) earlier that reading Fezekile’s book has awoken so much within me, and the only way I know how to process is to write.

This is just a start. I want to write about my own innocence, write about redefining myself after betrayal. I wanna write about being simple, foolish, usable and rapeable. I don’t wanna write about them, they won. This is a loser’s story, and a story that will never make headlines because after all, I’m crazy remember.

Reflections on 2016 - It Was All A Gift (FB Note)

 I initially wanted to call this: Reflections on 2016 - Unyaka ka Jobe, but I changed my mind along the way. Something about 2016 had such a strong spiritual element to it that I found myself reading my bible a lot more and reflecting on the lessons therein. But the story of Job has a victim element to it, a narrative I’ve disowned since 2007, life is way too beautiful to spend it feeling like a victim or a failure. So, my perspectives on 2016 will be anchored on what was the underlying gift behind it all.

Having been raised in the Anglican church, gone through the structures from Sunday School, to Izikhonzi, to Youth (and almost becoming a nun, but that’s a story for another day), I’ve got a deep appreciation for the effort my mom put into teaching me the ways of the church and also to love God. Was very surprised at my friend’s wedding when the church service was held in Zulu and I could still recite the prayers and various sections of the Anglican Prayer Book. When it comes to our elders, I guess the 2 areas they invested in the most when it comes to surviving (and thriving) in life were: Education and God. My father’s influence was a little different, his lessons were mostly on more esoteric subjects, trusting your intuition and being happy / optimistic no matter what life sent your way. Blessed to have had both spectrums guide my life in my youth and still influence my world view to this day.

Then there was 2016. As it often happens, when life overwhelms me I tend to default to my mother-tongue. Ake nishoni, lonyaka ubungenwe yini ngempela? Sezizonke nje izinto, u2016 ukuqede nya ukusa la k’mina. And I was even cautious about writing the annual reflections during December because I didn’t trust that more terrible things would happen (which they did by the way). So, here we are. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but every year has one significant thing about it that stands out about it after maybe 10 years have passed. 1998, I started High-School, 2005, completed varsity, 2014 Zwelibanzi was born. I’m very very curious about what the 1 thing will be that describes 2016. Penny Sparrow? Losing 3 close friends? Cancelling my wedding? Moving to Kenya? Surviving 7 months without my son? Maybe it will be something positive like starting House of Jama, moving to Kenya (which had it’s highs and lows) or something else. Who knows?

This isn’t how I do it every year, but I’ve found that it does help to make a list of Top 5 Things learnt (Some years it’s Top 10, but as much as I was born a glass-half full person, 10 would be a bit of a push). So if someone were to ask, what are the 5 Gifts that 2016 brought into my life, this is what I’d say:

1) Similar to the Job analogy, I had an opportunity to reflect on the question: If all things that define and comfort you were taken away, who are you? It’s hard to be honest when you’re broke and lying will bring home the bacon. But then once upon a time I got a tattoo on my back where I listed my 3 biggest values, one of them being Honesty.

2) What is love? This one question alone will probably be what I remember about 2016 a decade from now. What is love? What does love do? Where does love end? And what is love not.

3) Do you know your God? This is one question that woke me up every morning and cradled me to sleep every night. When fear and doubt and exhaustion take over, Do You KNOW Your God?

4) Where does your joy lie? This saved me, saved me from circumstances, my fears, everything I saw before my eyes and reminded me of my inner child. My constant beloved companion, the one who wants to create beauty, laugh, heal and love the whole world with all it’s 50 shades of grey.

5) Zidele. This is also one lesson that I can’t begin to describe. The idea of letting all your airs and graces, arrogance, conviction and even hope... go. When you’ve gone past your ultimate ability to hang on, when you ask ‘What if I fall’ and it says: ‘What if you fly’. (This last part isn’t by me, it’s a pic I found online and shared on Instagram).

My mom put on her Superwoman cape and carried me (through her actions, love, taking care of my son, prayers and even ukuthetha) in 2016. Words can’t begin to describe the indebtedness and great admiration I feel for this lady, and another person who hardly ever gets acknowledgement but really surprised me a great deal in 2016.... myself. I never would have ever imagined I had it in me to be still standing today.

2017: SIYOBULAL’ U VAN DAMME, ONE WAY!