Gardening With God (2013 - FB Note)

 Autumn came late this year, so in mid-March although the pink flowers (whose names I don't really know) were still in full bloom, I could already feel the shift in the breeze, and the days getting shorter, winter was definitely on it's way.

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Like all responsible garderners, it was time to prepare my garden for the months ahead. First things first, turn the soil, add compost and that white salt-like stuff the guy at Garden City said works like multi-vitamins, then just add water. That made me think of cooking, I've always enjoyed gardening and cooking, it's so artistic and therapeutic as well.

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Now maybe it's the strong Lavender fragrance or perhaps dehydration from being in the sun that long, but I suddenly had a thought that felt like a question coming from outside of myself. As I answered the question, another one was asked, this is how the conversation went:

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God: If you could describe me in one word what would it be?

Me: Hmmm, an artist I think. You tend to do a lot of things that make very little sense at first, but when they're done it all creates a beautiful perfect picture.

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God: How so?

Me: Well, think about artists. They paint bold dark strokes on a page, you sit as a spectactor and think, you're ruining the canvas. They don't need to explain themselves to you, they just continue. As the beautiful image unfolds, you're in awe of the picture you see and how those initial strokes enhance something that was part of a greater master plan. (well, maybe not you in person being God and all, you already know the masterplan, having written it and everything )

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God: That's a good thing, right?

Me: Doesn't always feel like it, but yeah, I guess it's cool.

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God: Can I ask you something?

Me: Sure, I always thought you could look into my heart and stuff, but actually I'm glad you're not. I often tell my friends that you're a gentleman, that's why you don't charge for the free concerts every Sunday,

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God: *smiles* Do you like me?

Me: Eish... That's a deep one. I think I love your work, need you a lot and love what you stand for, but perhaps your choice in friends isn't really my cuppa tea.

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God: What's wrong with my friends?

Me: Let's not go there. I think I need to take a break,

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God: Okay, enough about my friends. But back to the concept of artist,

Me: Oh definitely. There's a certain magic about some of the things you do that always blows my mind. I mean for instance sunsets, each and every sunset is a portrait across the sky. Then there's the sound of children laughing, Oskido aint got nothing on you. Waterfalls, flowers, it's all so magical. And another thing I like about you, nothing happens in straight lines in nature, just like in life.

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God: That's true, do you have any questions for me?

Me: Ummm, only 1001. But the first maybe is, why do bad things happen to good people?

God: *Sighs* You know your example of the artist. A dark stroke against a canvas isn't punishment, it's the background for something greater in future. Think about it this way, 6 billion canvasses being drawn all at once, all meant to create beautiful images. Sometimes it's not that your own canvas has been neglected, but I'm just waiting for the paint to dry, and then as I'm drawing flowers on the canvas next to yours you feel like I've abandoned you,

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Me: I feel you. And in fact, you know what, it's just like the seasons. A friend of mine once said *sometimes it has to be winter* and as I grow up that's becoming even more clear. I always hated winter because I found it so harsh, but actually, a lot of good comes from winter. I get a lot of my writing done, spending all that time indoors helps with my #CisheNgabaiYellowBone complexion, and the time to think, it's just a matter of how you view it I guess.

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God: Yeah, and sometimes people spend so much time in summer, they feel that when winter comes it's a punishment, but it's not. It's all about regeneration. Like what you're doing now, preparing for the next season, oh and also giving me a hand as I do what must be done to change seasons,

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Me: Giving You a hand? But you're God, you don't need my help,

God: Of course I do. Everyone needs a hand, even me. If you plant a bed of roses outside a prison, you're planting hope and reminding people of beauty and innocence. Ultimately, you're helping to the bigger agenda.

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Me: There's an agenda?

God: Of course there is. You know how you always like to say to say, energy cannot be created or destroyed it can only be transferred? Love is that energy. Each time you experience beauty, it restores your innocence. Renews that *and I don't mean to be arrogant* Godly side of you. That's love,

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Me: Oh don't get me started on the love part,

God: Why?

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Me: You know why, let's change the subject,

God: It's your garden, your rules, what do you wanna talk about?

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Me: My mom wouldn't be impressed with me telling God to change the subject. Okay, let's talk about love. Why do the most loving people get treated so badly?

God: Depends how you define love. Do they give a lot? Do they know what it means to love? Do they love in order to be loved back?

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Me: I don't know, when we're born we don't really come with a *How-To* book, so how are they supposed to do it?

God: I know some people don't like it when I go around in circles to get to a point but read Zama's note 'Love possesses not' and then look at nature. There is an abundance of love and those who see love in it's truest form, can never be hurt by it.

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Me: Have you heard Alicia Keyes song: 'Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?' Not sure if you've ever had a broken heart, but that one thing is Not pretty, and no person in their right mind could ever choose it. #MeThinks

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God: Why do you keep gardening when some of your plants die or the grass goes brown in winter?

Me: It's my happy place this garden, kinda like my own version of heaven. But I don't get what that's got to do with broken hearts,

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God: Everything, hearts break when people stop loving and start wanting to control. Nature, like love, cannot be held too tightly in a single form. It has to be allowed to speak it's own truth, walk it's own path. The true beauty of a sunset is that for that day you looked up and it had chosen to express itself in that unique way. Choose to love it daily not for what it's expressed, but for being a sunset.

If you cried each day you saw it in a different way to what it chose to be yesterday, then you never loved sunsets, you loved your idea of them. And as you know, I'm unpredictable. So falling in love with a season hoping it will last forever, is sure to bring you unintended pain.

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Me: Eish, that's hard to hear. I feel you on allowing it to choose it's own path. Do you have any advice for me on how to grow love, I mean, to not mess it up when it is here?

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God: If you need me to answer that then you're not yet a gardener. All the garden multi-vitamins on earth cannot force something that shouldn't be, yet all the strongest dam walls cannot hold back something that must be. I've got to run, The Soil is playing at the State Theatre, love those kids! Let's do this again soon, okay,

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Me: Cheers, next time, if it's not much trouble, please bring me the winning Powerball numbers (",)

God: I think I might just do that, cheers beautiful!

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Love Possesses Not (Zama's Note)

 

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself,

Love possessses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say. "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God"

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

and to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstacy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and sing a song of praise upon your lips.

 

(taken from the book 'Speak to us of love' - Reflections on Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet by Osho)

 

Reflections on 2012 - FB Note

 

It was a kak year, the end. In short, when I write the autobiography of my life, the chapter on 2012 will be titled: A Glorious Disaster.

 

Maybe that's the reason why I have taken so long to do this. Since 2007, at the end of the year I write a note, reflecting on the year I've had. How I've grown, what I've learnt, who's shaped my life (*yawn*), the same usual stuff. But honestly, when it comes to 2012, I didn't feel like it (still don't). I write, it's my passion , but for a change, even I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve for people to 'like' and comment 'oh my word, I feel the same way, thanks for sharing!'

 

Why can't I just have a secret closet of skeletons like the rest of the world, why can't my ups and downs be private? I have 442 FB friends, only 3 are 'relative strangers', the rest I've met before. About two hundred are by association (Linpark, Tukkies and SAB), another 100 are people I vaguely remember meeting, another 100 are family or friends of family members and well, 42 friends. So, until last night I was convinced I wouldn't be doing a Reflections on 2012 note. Then I took some time to read all the notes from 2007- 2011. I've done a lot of growing in the last 6 years and although I do forget, going through the notes does remind me, I've come a long way. This note is probably not for the first 400 of my FB friends, but the last 42. Who am I kidding, not even the 42, my 3 best friends are the only ones morally bound by law to entertain my madness, and for those 3 I'd be happy to do this, so here goes. These are just some of the lessons the year taught me:

 

1) God is real. No seriously, he is. When all is said and done, if all else fails, go back to your manufacturer. My biggest lesson/question in 2012 was: God, who am I? You made me? What did you make me for if all I'm doing is not working out?

 

2) Tough love is still love.Those you love most are the ones you can be the toughest with, in the name of love.

 

3) I'm a good person. Curled up in a ball, unable to get out of bed, that's the only thing I still knew for sure. When your whole world turns upside down, repeat these words: I'm a good person. 

 

4) You are not always in control of all things all the time. Embracing the mystical/magical/horrific/tragic it's important to always remember, you are not always in control of everything all the time.

 

5) Faith is a knowing. #Nuffsaid

 

6) I am not emotionally responsible for any human being I didn't give birth to, marry or adopt. People go through things, and as nice as you believe yourself to be, you are not responsible for any adult, ever.

 

7) Arrogance aside, I'm f***in' good at what I'm good at. And I should not be apologetic about that, whilst not being arrogant. Arrogance is for insecure people #JustSaying

 

8) Do what you can, where your are, with what you've got. That ought to be a universal principle. Without wishing for what isn't, make the best of what you have.

 

9) Marriage, motherhood and entrepreneurship are not for sissies. Just because I'm good at a lot of things, doesn't mean I'm grown up enough to handle any of these 3. Mad respect to those who can #TrueStory!

 

10) Gold lies in rivers undiscovered, hidden from the sight of those who don't know what to look for (Gold, Beverly Knight). Never doubt your own light, even when nothing around you confirms what you know to be a fact. It is what it is...

 

11) Let every dream be bigger than just what You have to gain, when you serve a purpose bigger than yourself, you understand the meaning of life.

 

12) Don't sleep all you want, spend all you have or believe all you hear.

 

13) Dance, when all else fails, just go deep within you and find your joy. Dance.

 

14) Related to the previous point, there is always something to celebrate and be grateful for. Find the beauty in your world, it can be the only difference between life and death. #Stru

 

15) Go into the dark places, allow yourself to fall. That is the only way you can know true compassion and taste the sweetness of success.

 

Okay, I'll stop on 15. But I must say this, most entrepreneurs never tell you this: It will get hard, it will get impossible, whatever idealistic and romantic ideas you may have had will crash before your eyes, on your way to success. The only difference between winners and losers is how they handle the tough times. Tell yourself this one thing: I AM A WINNER! Loss is a mild inconvenience when you know for a fact that you're a winner.

 

In the words of Sfiso Ncwane, 'Zincane izibongo zami, wangithenga ngegazi', when I remember what the Lord has done for me, I cannot help but praise him. The only thing that got me through 2012 was my faith in God, and in my spirit I'm grateful for the lesson.'

 

After all is said and done... "2012 wasn't easy, but it was worth it!" 

2012 - The Year of the Dragon (FB Note)

 This year has been dubbed the year of the dragon. If ever there was a year to reach for the stars, to dream wildly and pursue your greatest passions, 2012 was it!
 
2012 has been for me one of the most difficult years of my life. Until this year, I always thought the hardest year of my life was 2002. Ten years later, I was proven wrong. In this year I faced the reality of putting my money where my mouth is, and the funny part was that I had no money. I spent the last 7 months of my year without a job, 4 of them without even a car. The job part was a conscious decision I made to leave corporate, the car was just the universe playing a funny joke on me. I remember taking taxis to KZN during Easter (still employed and the proud owner of a German vehicle). The thrill of daring to be on a taxi, updating about the adventure on Facebook. It was all a whole lot less funny when it became the reality of my life, month after month.
 
This year I learnt to make friends with this emotion called: Fear. I cannot remember a time in my life when I was more terrified, all day, every day. I was afraid of where my next meal would come from, when my life would finally turn around and worst of all, what people would think. I’m supposed to be an intelligent, creative over-achiever, but this year, with each morning that I woke up, I learnt to accept fear as a permanent part of my life.
 
Most teachings on wisdom are related to self mastery. If you can conquer yourself, you can conquer anything. Some of the things I had to conquer this year were: My pride, my arrogance, my fears, my self-doubt and my shyness. I’m a writer, on paper I can be very impressive, but most people who know me know, I don’t often say a lot and I’m very self critical. But this year, I had to find the inner dragon in me, learn to stand up for myself and say: No matter what the consequences are, I know this is not the life I want to live, so I’m going for gold (As they used to say at SAB, Good is the enemy of Great). When I resigned from my job a lot of people asked me what was so bad about it, my response: I’m not walking away, I’m walking towards. There’s a big difference between leaving something that’s hurting you, compared to walking towards something that was calling you.
 
In the last 7 months I’ve done a lot. Wrote a book, travelled West Africa, started a company, a partnership, a newspaper, a co-op and most recently, Hustlers of Mzansi. I've also joined BMF and been nominated by CEO magazine as a future leader. But those are just a few impressive Facebook updates, which meant very little when there was little to eat and no one to turn to. But I must admit, the richest part of my year was the connection. I had the time and opportunity to connect. Connect with myself, my family, my friends and most importantly with my God. God and I had a lot of fights in 2012. The biggest one being: When will things get better? I’ve been faithful, I’ve been praying, I’ve been fasting and I’ve been reading your word. When are you going to turn this nightmare around? But through it all, I appreciated the deeper connections I created in this year.
 
With all the challenges and the freedom I got to enjoy, I learnt a few lessons. I thought that after leaving SAB I’d learnt that not everyone who’s in your life is there for you. But this year, when I had to call in favours for lifts, for my projects for my business. I learnt that even those who are there for you are not always going to be there for you. In my life there are two things that I always promised myself I’d never do, those are: I’ll never go to my mother for money and I’ll never get a sugar-daddy. This year I did both. I feel the need to explain the sugar-daddy part, he wasn’t my lover but he became my crutch. When I needed help, he was there and when he asked me for things, I couldn’t say no, because I needed him. Going to my mother was even more difficult because I come from a family where nobody ever makes mistakes. I’ve subscribed to the rules because I got my degree at 20, have had solid employment since then, own my own house and at 27, I still don’t have children. So for me, it felt like I was finally revealing my cracks as the weakest link in the perfect family.
 
But I want to go back to why I took the leap. In 2011 I was part of Leading Women, a GIBS course. One of the biggest lessons they taught us that year was that to lead authentically, you need to
live
your values. We then did many exercises where each of us learnt what our individual values are. On my birthday weekend I got a tattoo of an eagle and my three biggest values on my back. They are Excellence, Freedom and Honesty. After I was raped in 2007 I wrote a poem titled: I Rise. In it there’s a line that states: ‘Just like this beautiful black eagle on my back, I’ve always risen, and I will continue to rise.’ 5 years later, I decided to finally get the beautiful black eagle tattoo on my back, and to commit to rising, no matter what.
 
The other reason for the leap was because I wanted my mom to come home. She’s been working and living in the UK since I was 18 and each time I heard about how tough things were for her that side, I felt powerless. Looking at the salary I earned, I realised that at this rate I could never ask her to return home and promise her she’d be taken care of. It was time to take drastic measures. The third reason was my medical condition. I’ve decided that I’ll do all that’s within my power to find money so I can get a cure, I want to live and I want to be okay.
 
Back to my job, I could no longer continue to pretend that the constraints of a job in a corporate setting, which paid me enough to be broke and allowed me a title was enough. I needed to start living from an honest place, to have my freedom and above all, to pursue excellence. At first, it all seemed very noble, and I thought that the universe would definitely conspire in my favour. But with barely a month out of work, my car broke down and the cost to fix it was R100k, almost exactly the amount I’d saved up to live on whilst I figured out what to do with my life after leaving my job. The series of events that followed sometimes take on the resemblance of a horror story so I won’t go into detail. The truth is, I dived into this with nothing but a deep passion to excel, and a voice deep within me that said: Jump, you’ll be okay.
 
I guess the reason for this note is to state that there’s Life and then there’s what we project on social media platforms. I made a conscious decision to never have negative updates on my FB/Twitter, but when people start seeing your life as some sort of fairytale, it’s important to set the record straight. We all go through hard times, everyone is fighting a personal (and often private) battle, and there will be better days. I see myself a year from today, having overcome most of what I’m going through, this phase of my life will be a distant memory. For those who will see that brighter day and think ‘Wow’ I need to always remember that there were times like this. Times where everything was going wrong, where nothing I did seemed to be taking me where I thought I was meant to be going, times where each and every day was an uphill battle.
 
This is in no way a pessimistic note about how much life sucks, but it’s actually a testimony by someone who knows and believes in a real God who is saying, ‘Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life.’
 
In the last month I decided to concentrate my efforts into 3 things: My company, this refugee initiative I’m working on in Ghana and my latest book. Each day I wake up and I re-commit myself to spending all my love, time, energy, creativity and passion into those 3 things.
 
Life is funny in the sense that it lets you live vicariously through other people. I see friends dragging themselves to jobs they hate daily, and I feel grateful. I see people staying in hurtful relationships and I realise how blessed I am. I see people existing and not really living and I realise, of all the things I could say about 2012, if nothing else I’ve lived
. I’ve gone through the depths of myself, discovered the truth about who I really am, have committed to living straight from my heart and have pursued my greatest values: Excellence, Freedom and Honesty.
 
The cover page on one of my friends FB pages is: I’m Dead-Set on Living
. That one line perfectly sums it all up.

Dear Steve

 Sitting at Braam Fischer Airport, my flight's been delayed by two hours and my team Kaizer Chiefs is getting their ass kicked, taking the joy out of this beautiful afternoon. But enough about Chiefs, I remain a loyal supporter of Abafana Bokuthula Noxolo. I figure I should use this time constructively.

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I've been thinking of crafting my views on the recently popularised #RedOctober situation, but was busy getting everything in place for Macufe. Now that's done, so I've had the time to think. I know how I feel about it, but the most fascinating realisation was just thinking of how I'd feel if I was an Afrikaans person, seeing the whole situation unfolding. So I figured my letter to Steve would be from a white Afrikaaners perspective. Unfortunately I don't speak Afrikaans so it'll have to be in English, but if I was Afrikaans, this is how I'd phrase it....

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Dear Steve,

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Have you gone mad? This is by far the worst time for you to be raising your racist head and making such statements. I mean really Steve, what did we as the Afrikaans community ever do to you? We've supported your music for years, let your Zuma-like behaviour slide and we still continue to hold you as a shining light amongst our proudly Afrikaans nation. But this Steve, this is really testing our loyalty.

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Do you realise what you've done? First things first, do you know Steve, that next year is set to be a difficult one for us? How so, you ask? Well, it's officially going to be 20 years since we conceded defeat and agreed to became a democratic New South Africa. So, by virtue of that alone, a lot of people are going to be asking the question: So what has changed, really? Now let me not lie to you Steve, the past two decades have been good to us, very good in fact. What we feared most when we let political power go, was that it would result in us losing economical power as well. But guess what, it didn't happen! We still own the land, hold the same control to the means of production and save for a couple of them who now own houses at Harties, we still have our holiday homes and farms.

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See Steve, in his infinite wisdom, beloved Dr Hendrik Verwoed was an architect of a very sophisticated and dare I say, genius system when he constructed apartheid. He put laws in place which denied blacks the right to education, owning companies and even limited where they could live. Leaving us to the best this country had to offer, and not only that, also giving us some of the cheapest labour, allowing us to accelerate this country’s development. The system worked like clock-work for nearly half a century! Half a century Steve, and 19 years after it was disbanded, it still continues to serve us. You are a beneficiary of that system Steve, so please don't be foolish and take away our comfort and joy.

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How so, you ask? Well, I'll tell you how. The moment you start painting us as victims, you get people asking too many questions. Terrible questions like: Who is to blame for the state of our country? What characterizes a victim, and who are the real victims? Why does SA have one of the highest gini-coefficients in the globe?

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Do you know what the gini-coefficient index is Steve? That is the measure of the difference between those who have (us, and a couple of BEE’s) and those who don’t have (the majority of South Africans). So, the moment people start asking questions about that, then our entire plan falls flat.

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Steve, have you read the latest employment equity report? This report states that in 2011, white males still had 65.4% of all management positions. In a country where we only make up 8.9% of the population, this is great news! The report goes on to show that in most sectors that are driving this country’s economy (agriculture, mining, manufacturing, construction, wholesale, retail) we still have over 60% share of the top positions. The report also shows that employment equity figures have regressed since the early 2000s. People were very excited about BEE and employment equity back then, but now they’ve stopped caring or have shifted their focus. Either way, we win. This is very good news Steve, news that most don’t really realise because they’re focusing on Generations, the Guptaz and Zuma’s latest scandal.

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See, the thing is Steve, we had to let the apartheid thing go. Too many tongues were wagging and being banned from almost every global body really wasn’t fun. I mean, imagine, they wouldn’t even let us into the Olympics, global companies refused to do business with an apartheid state and who can forget how us, one of the best Rugby countries in the world, were not allowed to be part of the Rugby World Cup?! That’s really tragic Steve.

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But what I’m trying to make you realise is that, now we have the best of both worlds. The world loves us, we’re able to do business with whoever we like and get to show all those who moved to Australia that we knew what we were doing all along. 1994 wasn’t the time to leave SA, it was in fact the time to stay and start cashing in!

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While you’re at it Steve, why don’t you take some time out to read the latest population Cencus statistics. Based on those, average household incomes for white South Africans have gone from R193 820 in 2001 to R365 134 in 2011. This is compared to R22 522 to R60 613 for black people. Don’t worry about them noticing though, we can just use percentages to fool them. On paper, their house hold income has tripled, whilst ours hasn’t even doubled.

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My point here Steve, is that you don’t want to attract too much attention to how well we’re doing because then you risk us losing our position. I happen to like how now the ANC government is being blamed for all this country’s problems, but if you think about it Steve, they had a really huge task ahead of them when they took over this country. A nation that was meant to offer sub-standard living to the majority of its population, and an opulent life to the elite, was now meant to learn about equality? They had to give electricity, education, health and water to millions who’d just gotten by on the bare minimums. Not only that, they had to deal with the massive debt we’d incurred whilst in government, and also make sure that the country was economically viable.

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When I hear of the statistics of how education has improved in this country, I must tell you it worries me Steve. I like how everyone is so enraged by textbooks not being delivered to Limpopo but in actual fact, if they saw the facts, they wouldn’t be so quick to judge this government.

I mean, look at it,

the

percentage of South Africans who have no schooling has gone down by more than 50% between 1996 - 2011 (19.1% - 8.6%), and South Africans who've completed matric have gone from 16.3 - 28.9%

. Access to free houses, free health facilities, free education. All of it, delivered under very difficult global economic conditions.

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Steve, I must urge you to spend more time reading. This will help inform your views, and honestly help you see the bigger picture. A recent study was released by the Unilever Institute titled: 4 Million and Rising. In this study, not only do they go into the historical context of the black middle class (growing up under apartheid with bantu education, group areas act, travel restrictions, job reservations and repression) but they also show that even with all those odds stacked against them, the blacks are now thriving. Their middle class is now 4 million and is set to grow. This for me is scary Steve. Very scary. The calibre of black that was born under apartheid was uneducated, fearful of us and very easy to manipulate. This study shows Steve that the blacks we knew who only drank, had multiple children and enjoyed killing each other are now evolving. I mean, it speaks of them now being more savvy about investment, being health conscious, investing in their children and what’s even more, investing in educating and empowering themselves. Yes they also travel, buy German cars and drink a lot, but they’re also highly ambitious and smart. That’s not good Steve, not good at all!

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As I mentioned earlier Steve, people who question are problematic, and yes in the good old days, we would often get rid of them. But now, now they’re popping up everywhere. Like that boy Julius Malema, he’s a pain in the neck that one. But I like him because most people just see him as a joker not to be taken seriously. He’s good because he comes from a poor background and that means when he sees money, he gets all excited, making him easy to bribe with shiny things. A lot of them are like that Steve, just look around you.

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But my main interest is in preserving our fortunes Steve, and I’m sure you’ll agree with me there. Your arguments about crime statistics against our race are very weak young man. According to CrimestatsSA, overall crime rates in South Africa are now on a decline, and the most affected by crime are black South Africans. You see, the first thing that black people do when feeling threatened, is turn against their own. That is where xenophobic attacks come into play. Did you know Steve, that there are more white people living in South Africa that are not of South African origin, than black? They don’t consider this when they turn on each other I tell you, this xenophobia trend is quite misguided if you ask me. But hey, rather they kill each other than us, I say.

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In closing Steve, let me be the first to assure you, white interests are well protected, and we have a good thing going here. Black people are not smart enough to really cause us harm, and the ones who are aren’t ever going to run this country, I can promise you that. Between you and Oscar’s mishap earlier this year, we sit in a very precarious position. One that is threatening our levels of comfort beyond what we can tolerate. Oscar’s whole case hinges on whether he thought it was a black burglar behind that bathroom door, giving him the right to shoot to kill. Yes, we all have those fears. But we don’t want them to be on everyone’s mind because as I’ve shown you clearly, even bigger questions will crop up. Questions we’d rather sweep under the rug, if you know what I mean.

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Don’t feel despondent and think that no one echoes your sentiments Steve. Although the turnout at your march wasn’t impressive, I’m sure you’ve seen by the number of signatories on your petition that a lot of us agree with you. We’re working on it Steve, we can’t have all the hard work by our ancestors from the last 400+ years go to waste. We are legitimate members of South Africa, and our interests must be protected. The way we go about it must just be well calculated and smart.

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My advice to you. Go back to making that great music that we love, and stop meddling in politics. You’re doing more harm than good.

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Yours in unity,

Afrikaans South Africans.

Sometimes It Has To Be Winter

 

Tonight I had a lovely dinner with a lady I was meeting for the first time. To say I was in awe would be an understatement. She was smart, interesting, funny, down-to-earth and also quite wise. We shared a seafood platter, talked about ourselves and I found myself having a really lovely time.

 

Then after our dinner I walked to my car and found that someone had tried to hijack it. The ignition had been broken and all the wires stripped from the steering wheel. The worst part was as I realised this, I wondered if they were still in the car, waiting for me to return. That alone made my blood run cold. As it turns out, the only thing they'd taken was my wallet and the only valuable thing in there was my drivers license, the rest can be replaced. The police were very helpful and all in all, it could have been a lot worse and for the fact that it wasn't, I'm grateful.

 

After all the drama, I remembered a profound statement made by my lovely dinner companion. At some point in her life her uncle said this: 'Sometimes it Has to be Winter'. That alone put so much into perspective. I've been meaning to write a different reflection on 2012 than the one I have because although in my mind it is summarised as a 'Kak Year' I realised that I'd be doing a great injustice to myself if I don't look harder and compile a gratitude list. Somewhere in there I need to go full circle and resolve all that still pains me about 2012.

 

As an aside, I've started a very unhealthy habit (to myself) of doing what I've been doing with diaries since I was 9, on FB notes. Not all that I think, feel, believe, fear and wish is for me to share with the world. The more I open myself up, the more I feel like people will stop seeing me as the balanced, smart and creative individual I always project, but rather weird. I've never needed anyone's approval for what I feel, that's what frees me about writing, but when I start to worry about the opinions of others, I find myself tempted to be a lot less honest with myself. So, I'm making my notes private from now on. I'll always write, I've always written, it's my first and great love, I need to remain true to that.

 

Back to the topic. When you look at life and ask yourself 'Why me? Why is it all going wrong? When will the pain end?' One needs to remember, Sometimes it HAS to be Winter. A time when it's cold, bare, uncomfortable, sad and it feels like your sun will never shine as it once did. 

 

But winter in itself has a purpose. It's a time of letting go of the old and making room for the new. I just read a definition that summarises winter as: 'A time when plants get a rest from growing.' I found that fascinating. In a life of constantly growing, seeking more, going further and deeper and faster. Winter is a time to slow down, and even stop. Yes stop. How scary is that? The idea of doing nothing but let the leaves fall off, the beautiful flowers die and not fighting the process. Knowing that you're making room for something better. As a person who loves to be in control, I find the thought unsettling.

 

The great thing about growing up is getting to understand things. Understand that what you believed about yourself, the world, God, Love and many other things when you were 16, is not what you believe now and although what you believe now seems correct, it may not be what you believe when you're 50. If you're alive, you're still learning, unlearning and re-learning. Someone once said to me that as people, we want to make the right decision today on behalf of our whole lives. The mistakes and the part where we change our minds, those are part of being alive. Never put too much pressure on yourself to know what is precisely correct about every detail of your life today. 

 

At an SAB conference, a couple of years ago we had Clem Sunter as one of the speakers. I don't remember most of what he said, but one thing I do remember is that, like children, each time we make a mistake we should say to ourselves: 'Wow! That's Fascinating!' Then move on. 

 

Winter, like every other season has a reason for being. And in whichever winter season I'm in, I always want to remember that it's okay to let go, to stop growing and shed off the parts of me that I no longer need, even though I might like them. As each part falls off, I always want to say, 'Wow! That's Fascinating.' Then move on, move on to uncover more of the exciting, exhilirating and fascinating moments that await in my future.

 

I wish those I love can see the world in a similar light, and never stop believing that it's because of the winter, that spring and summer are so precious and beautiful.

Wisdom (Thami Ngubeni Sermon - 2012)

 HOW TO GET WISDOM

 

Be aggressive in your search for wisdom: Be diligent to attain it. Make it a priority. Make your ear attentive to wisdom, and incline your heart to understanding. Cry out for discernment, and lift your voice in prayer for understanding. Seek for wisdom as you would money, and search for wisdom as you would for buried treasure. Wisdom says: I love those who love me, and those who diligently seek me will find me. If you diligently seek for wisdom God's promise to you is that you will discover the knowledge of God (Prov. 2:2-5). We need to be more like king Solomon. One night the Lord God appeared to him and said, "ask what I shall give you." Because Solomon's request was for wisdom and knowledge, and not for riches, wealth, or honor, or the death of his enemies, wisdom and knowledge was granted to him. And God was so pleased with Solomon's choice of wisdom above all else, He also added riches, wealth, and honor such as none of the kings who were before him possessed, nor those came after him (2 Chron. 1:7-12). The Lord was pleased with Solomon's prayer, and Solomon became the wisest of all men (except for the One who is greater than Solomon). Make Solomon's prayer for wisdom above all else your own

May you exercise WISDOM in choosing your life partner...WISDOM is the presence of the Holy Spirit, it is thinking with the DIVINE mind, Seeing with the Divine eye...Ask "yourself" and Your God, is this a WISE or FOOLISH choice or decision? Wisdom will allow you to see your FUTURE in the PRESENT moment. Beyond infatuation, compatibility and attraction is God's PURPOSE for you. May the one you are with be in ONE accord with your Highest Self, share the grandness of God's vision for your life and not be an obstacle on your path to joy, service, success and PEACE. Wisdom calls out, "Seek me while you still can" she says, 'those who seek me will find me." May you put your self aside and let Wisdom take the lead. Beyond wanting to be right and do right, beyond wanting to FEEL any particular way, may you seek first to be and do what is WISE. Wisdom comes directly from God. I wish you a splendid week ahead!!