He heals me.... By India Arie

HE HEALS ME

I told him my biggest secret
And he told me four
He smiled at me and said
That makes me love you more

And then he made me laugh
And I knew it was a sign
That he was a man
That I wanted in my life
And with every passing day
I feel more and more of that way

He heals me, he knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me, he knows the real me

And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me, he heals me
I can play him songs all through the night
And he will listen to every line
And even when I'm wrong, he is still kind
He chooses his words wisely
When he tells me I'm not right
And yes, he is a beautiful man
But he is also a beautiful friend

He heals me, he knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me, no

He heals me, he knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me, he heals me

The moment that we met, he made me smile
He has so much compassion in his eyes
I have no idea, how long he'll be here
A season or a lifetime, forever or a year
But for the first time in my life
I'm not worried about the future
Because we have such
A wonderful time when we're together
However things turn out, it's all right
'Cause he's already changed my life

He heals me, he knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me, he knows the real me

...and these are only some of the things I believe: by Staceyann Chin

I got this from my friend Flo this morning, it touched my heart!

Imagination is the bridge

between the things we know for sure

and the things we need to believe

when our worlds become unbearable

So I know the way my tongue feels

wrapped around a sliver of East Indian mango

I know it reminds me of a time of giant breadfruit trees

... skinned six year-old knees

and pungent pimento seeds drying on a sheet of galvanized zinc



I know the sounds I make during sex

know them because my lover makes them for me

when she wants to remind me that I am not always in control



I also know if you are black/ male and Mobile America

the police will pull you over- especially

if you drive an expensive car



I know if you speak differently from the rest of the crowd

chances are your contemporaries have already made fun of you



We all know this world is difficult

because we each have to live here

and in this time of schoolboy bullets

biological warfare and kiddie porn

it takes guts to believe in any God

so I practice on believing in the smaller things

till I am able to make room for the rest



I begin with believing there's a Santa Claus

except I believe Saint Nicholas is a holiday transvestite

and I believe in monsters lurking under the bed

because they give our children something to conquer

before the world begins to conquer them



And I believe in the steady inflation of the tooth fairy

donate more than one nickel to that cause

because a dime under a pillow makes it easier

to endure the loss of a molar

prepares for the greater loss of a teacher

or a mother to the NYPD



And I believe in the identity of the Easter Bunny

believe he's the same person as Bugs Bunny

which means being schizophrenic isn't always bad

means when I'm tired of being a black feminist poet

I could go rally for rights of the new age transsexuals

get them an interview with Rosie O'Donell or Oprah

I believe I could find them a few friends right there on Sesame Street

and contrary to popular belief

I believe Bert and Ernie are straight

believe they're just waiting for the right girls to come along

but I believe Kermit the Frog is a closet Dyke

and that's why he has issues with pushy lesbians like Miss Piggy



And I believe most lovers

will lie to you eventually

and though I believe two wrongs don't ever make a right

--sometimes slashing his tires makes you feel better



and I believe Dharma and Greg are funny

but only if they make you laugh

and I believe Pinky and the Brain are revolutionaries

because-every night-they try to take over the world

like them, I believe there will always be something to fight for

and I believe everyone should believe in something

anything - if it helps you make it through the day

so I believe in Ashanti spirits

in spite of what the pragmatists say

I believe in unbelievable phenomena

like telepathy and karmic shape-shifters

crafting futures from the moon

I believe in that elusive world peace

I believe if I believe - it really could come soon

and I believe in unexpected and capricious friendships

I believe in trusting with the tenacity of a fool



And I believe in believing everyday

-and for as long as we can-

I believe we should believe in something we don't know for sure

acknowledge the range of possibilities

unlimited by what we see

move reality with imagination

we decide what our destinies will be

My African Dream...

As it ought to be...

May the writers write, the thinkers think and the talkers talk.
May none dare go beyond their calling towards what is not theirs to do.

May the feelers feel, the artists creatively articulate truth, may leaders lead.

May the jokers joke, the builders build and most importantly, the lovers love.
The fate of Africa lies in our ability to love.

... Love ourselves, our ancestors as much as our great-grandchildren.
As love leads the way, may grace, forgiveness, favour welcome it,

May the truth become more potent than the lie, more powerful.
We have been the wretched of the earth for too long,
Have cried too many tears, have fought way too many wars.

My prayer is that we may we all recognise the true African dream,

Let the talkers talk, the thinkers think and the dreamers dream.

Talk honestly, reflectively and realistically about the real reason we are here.
Dream up a reality more beautiful than our glorious past or wildest Imaginings,
Think up a plan so solid that it will carry us safely into the promised land.

My only wish is that Africans realise their role in their own resurrection,
That they lay down their lives for their emancipation, that they love.

Love their legacy, their fellow man and their inevitable destiny,
Love discipline, love integrity and love their freedom enough to die for it.

But most importantly, that they love themselves enough to know their worth.

21 People I Admire

1. Lindani Mbali Mnyandu. She gets to go first because I see so much of myself in her. She taught me the lesson that it’s okay to be honest to you about you. She’s incredibly succesful, incredibly artistic but on a bad day, she’s okay with saying: ‘I’m not coping.’ It takes a strong person to do that.


2. Thabo Mbeki. Most of my close friends don’t believe I like him, but in all honesty I have a world of respect for the man. I’ve come to admire one single quality he has, having the balls to lead. One of the hardest parts of being a leader is going against your followers to take them where they Need to be, besides their objections.


3. Masoja Msiza. A powerful, honest and genuine artist. Masoja is able to make you laugh, allow you to reflect, bring tears to your eyes… all in the name of art. I have spent years in the company of this artist and his biggest lesson to me has been, Speak Your Truth! He does that beautifully and I love and admire him.


4. Dr Reuel Khoza, Chairman of Nedbank. I’ve engaged with the man on a personal level, one of the biggest influences to my becoming a Pan-Africanist lady with humility and swag on top. He’s written books, conquered the world and he still has time for little people like us to drink from his cup of wisdom. I was so proud of him the day I heard about his comment to the leadership of South Africa. That is one man who walks his talk, for that I admire him.


5. Msizi Khoza. I have never met someone so young, yet a true revolutionary. He never allowed anything to stand in the way of what he knows himself to be. A while back, I dubbed him Mr President. He is committed to excellence and leadership, and he is never afraid to speak his mind when the need arises. I look to him and I realise that in the hands of people like him, the future of Africa will be bright.


6. Thomas Sankara. Ex president of Burkina Faso, a young and focused man who took it upon himself to redefine the future of Africa. Sankara believed in good health, exercise and taking care of the whole being. He also walked the talk, realising that Africans had to be self-sufficient in order to get to where they need to be. Most importantly though, Sankara believed in the empowerment of women, seeing us as having a legitimate role to play in the future of society.


7. My Ugandan bus driver. I must confess I don’t know his name, but I met him on a 9 hour bus ride between Kampala in Uganda, headed for Kigali in Rwanda. A simple man who knew the principles of success who has informed a lot of my decisions since the day I met him. He taught me to be honest, to realise that Africa needs bold leaders, he taught me the importance of family and more often than not, to see that wisdom is not the privilege only available to the elite.


8. My mother. She recently said these words to me: ‘From a young age, I have always wanted to know what lies beyond the horizon, and I’ve gone out to search for it. I’ve never let fear stop me.’ That summarises this lady in the best way, my mother has always instilled in me this belief: Never fear what you do not know, rather learn what it has to teach you about yourself and embrace it!’


9. Ebo Quagraine. He most resembles Barack Obama in my life. Mr ‘Yes We Can’ himself. Ebo has always been the first to drive us to action. A fellow insomniac, he always works beyond the call of duty, believes passionately in the future of Mother Africa, and is always ready to do whatever it takes to raise our continent. I have learnt to love Africa, by seeing his love.


10. Sakhile Mthembu. A twin-soul friend of mine, who taught me to appreciate and value art. Most contemporary artists believe in being commercial but he blessed me with an ear for music. We would leave a party of house music, drive home listening to Corrine Bailey Rae. I learnt to love the art, and to love the truth about what makes music change lives. Kindness is another lesson he taught me, kindness to the self, and more importantly to the harsh & cruel world.


11. Don Ndaba. My first gay friend. I have lived in the shadows of my friend for years and learnt to see the plight of gay people. He never chose his sexual orientation, he never wanted the judgement it came with, but as a man of honour and truth, he has carried the burden it brings. The persecution he’s had to endure has often brought me to tears, but I have loved his brightness, his positive spirit and his ability to shine.


12. Nehemiah. I am in no ways religious, I believe religion is a useful tool that can entrench in most societies a much-needed sense of morality and godliness (whoever we may consider God to be) but I refuse to be labelled religious. Nehemiah was a servant to the King who dared defy the odds and took on the task to restore the glory of Jerusalem. A lot can be learnt from his bravery, his boldness, his sense of duty and commitment to his people. His love is what I admire most, his love for those who needed him.


13. Smangele Linah Mabhida. A strong woman who had to live behind the scenes whilst taking care of her family whilst her legendary husband Moses Mabhida was in exile. Her contentment with being in the background, doing the daily chores whilst her husband was admired and fighting for our country. She is the ultimate heroine and her humility is what I admire most.


14. Katt Williams. I’m short, he’s short and we have a short people thing. Katt is a social commentator behind all of his comedy, he often comments on the need to respect women and to be proud of your roots as a black person. I admire how comedians can teach us important truths that we may not realise or acknowledge.


15. Cambridge Mokanyane. He was the head of the top 2010 world cup campaign according to FIFA, run by MTN. In the time I’ve known the man, I’ve realised how exceptionally brilliant he is. He feels his way through life, is able to drive excellence based on instinct and has always excelled. Excellence is a choice, and he’s always made the right one. From St Albans, to Unilever, to SAB, to MTN and to sport. As a fellow marketer, he taught me the golden rule to marketing: Delight The Consumer!


16. Winnie Mandela. She’s bad ass, and beautiful. Similar to Mam’ Mabhida, she had to do the best in an exceptionally difficult situation, she carried the role like a soldier and dared to speak out against all the atrocities of the era. I also like that she’s not squeaky clean. Angels rarely make history.


17. Lady Diana. Brenda Fassie. Lebo Mathosa. The world tends to dictate how we should be as women and these women refused to be reduced to other people’s perceptions. They excelled, lived and died as heroines.


18. Shaka Zulu. The man was a genius, very strategic and very resilient. He loved hard and he built something great that we’re still proud of to this day. Like him, I’d love to live forever through my achievements.


19. Flo Mokale. The ultimate artist. Give him a word, he’ll give you poetry, give him a camera he will make beautiful art, give him a stage he’ll bring tears to your eyes. I have been in awe of Flo for many years and underneath all of that, he’s incredibly funny. The best people in life have a great sense of humour.


20. Farah Hukamdad, my ex boss. She’s young at heart, and she lives straight from it. She gets excited, passionate, angry, delighted. There’s nothing mediocre about her. I never want to lose my passion for life, just like her I want to honour my heart every day that I live.


21. Slindile Didiza. I had to save the best for last. When I love someone, I find it hard to summarise my admiration for them. Sli and I have been friends for almost a decade. She has all the combinations of a heroine. Immense strength, humility and the ability to be graceful through the storm. I love her ability to love, think and process things before bringing emotions into it all, she’s taught me to be graceful through the storms of life, a lesson I really needed to learn.

Sanskrit Mantra

Step by step

At every step
There lies waiting...
Quite still
That which is appropriate to THAT step

Celebrating A Friend's Life

 

 

When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter.

As you see him you will see yourself.
As you treat him you will treat yourself.
As you think of him you will think of yourself.
Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself, or lose yourself.
~ Acim

An Afrikaans guy named Peter

On Wednesday I had the most incredible conversation with a 69 year old Afrikaans guy. His name is Peter. We were discussing politics, family, what our country needs and for the most part, who we are. I don't know who first came up with this quote, but our conversation made me think of it "One of the problems with society is that too often blacks and whites overestimate the others desire to do them harm."  He was very honest about how apartheid worked in his favour, interestingly enough he grew up on one of the farms in KZN near my grandmothers house. I was there this December and driving past all the farms I couldn't help but think of Malema's nationalisation ideas. The Dlamini family has been living in that area for more than 100 years, but the farmland is still owned by white people. Back to Peter. He found me at this restaurant reading Mbeki's A Dream Deferred and asked if he could take a seat at my table. Immediately after he sat down we got to chatting. He asked me what I thought of the book and told me about Macintosh Polela's book, I should definitely get a copy. A very interesting thing that Peter said was that he thinks Malema's has a great skill of influencing people. If he only had the guidance and direction. He could be an influential driver to inspire young people to take control for their lives. I was touched when he shared with me the story of his sons suicide. It was a heart-breaking story that showed his humanity and vulnerability. More so when he spoke of how his other children and brother have left the continent. When he'd first sat down all I'd seen was a white old man, but as he said farewell I was touched by how little I often consider the "humanity" of those we see as white and privileged. The highlight of my day was when, as he walked away,Peter said: "Amanda, we need more people like you in this country."

The Meaning of Life (Part 3)

This is a speech taken from one of my favourite movies: 'Life of David Gale'

You get Lacan's point.


Fantasies have to be unrealistic...

Because the moment... the second...

that you get what you seek...


you don't...

you can't want it anymore.

In order to continue to exist...


desire must have its objects

perpetually absent.


It's not the "it" that you want.

It's the fantasy of"it."


- So, desire supports crazy fantasies.


This is what Pascal means when he says

that we are only truly happy...


when daydreaming

about future happiness.


- Or why we say...


the hunt is sweeter

than the kill.


Or be careful what you wish for,

not because you'll get it...


but because you're doomed

not to want it once you do.


So the lesson of Lacan is,

living by your wants

will never make you happy.


What it means to be fully human is

to strive to live by ideas and ideals...


and not to measure your life

by what you've attained

in terms of your desires...


but those small moments

of integrity, compassion...

rationality, even self-sacrifice.

Because in the end, the only way

that we can measure the

significance of our own lives...

is by valuing the lives of others.

Apolitical Intellectuals

One day
the apolitical
intellectuals
of my country
will be interrogated
by the simplest
of our people.

They will be asked
what they did
when their nation died out
slowly,
like a sweet fire
small and alone.

No one will ask them
about their dress,
their long siestas
after lunch,
no one will want to know
about their sterile combats
with "the idea
of the nothing"
no one will care about
their higher financial learning.

They won't be questioned
on Greek mythology,
or regarding their self-disgust
when someone within them
begins to die
the coward's death.

They'll be asked nothing
about their absurd
justifications,
born in the shadow
of the total lie.

On that day
the simple men will come.

Those who had no place
in the books and poems
of the apolitical intellectuals,
but daily delivered
their bread and milk,
their tortillas and eggs,
those who drove their cars,
who cared for their dogs and gardens
and worked for them,
and they'll ask:

"What did you do when the poor
suffered, when tenderness
and life
burned out of them?"

Apolitical intellectuals
of my sweet country,
you will not be able to answer.

A vulture of silence
will eat your gut.

Your own misery
will pick at your soul.

And you will be mute in your shame.

(Otto Rene Castillo)

An Interesting Lesson

There once was a man walking down a deserted street in a beautiful, leafy suburb. The place had nice homes with big gardens and front porches. As he was walking towards one of the houses, he heard the sound of a dog making painful whimpering noises. He walked to the gate and saw a man on a rocking chair, right next to the dog. The dog seemed to be in excruciating pain, but the owner didn’t even seem bothered. Our guy was upset, he couldn’t believe that the owner was ignoring the dogs pain. He walked up to the man on the rocking chair and confronted him.

‘Is this your dog?’,

‘Yep, it’s my dog, can I help you?’

‘Well, can’t you see he’s in pain. What’s wrong with him’,

‘Oh, he’s sitting on a nail’

‘What?! Why isn’t he moving off since it’s hurting him so much?’

‘I guess, he’s not in enough pain yet...’

The man turned around and walked away

Africa Rise!

The fragile are not the weakest,
The smallest are not the least,
The unheard are not the voiceless...

(A vision for FTM)

Move (By Simba Rupare)

It will happen when you are in an open field of complacency
When you do not take note of your feet compressing the ground
Not being self-concious of your breathing
Confident that your heart will keep on beating.

And when that times comes,
It blasts you like a storm
A gatharing storm with an angry blackness.
It will take you by surprise, and when it does, you will have no choice but to fight.

When you are against the wall, unable to move
Unable to speak, unable to run
You will gather the strength from your hunter ancestors
You will have that strength that will whisper 'I need to live'.

This moment doesn't discriminate.
Nor does it feel sorry for your pain.
It shows no mercy,
Unless you are will to die for it.

Stuck and paralysed you remember one thing.
The one thing that will make all the difference.
You begin to MOVE.
You begin to SHIFT.

The blast lessesens, and your ambitions rise
Your need to live survives.
You know this time had to come.
And when you did, you never forgot to MOVE!!!!

If...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

My life as a Zanzibar beach-bum (",)

An interesting thing about my trip is how early I always got up. My alarm always goes off at 5h45 but I usually stay in bed until 7. On this holiday, I'd be up by 5am, and I'd just sit in bed with my journal and wait for the sunrise. At sunrise I'd go sit on the hammock and figure out what to do with my day.



Then there were the colourful characters, my favourite being Chichi. My 2nd day, it rained so there was no one on the beach. I decided to settle down on one of the beach beds and listen to music. It kept raining and stopping, so I decided to go to the shore to pick sea-shells (yeah, that cheesy!). I came back with my stash and placed it next to me, turned on my mp3 play and listened to Thandiswa Mazwai... just because...



Chichi was brave enough to come through, he smiled at me and asked if he could take a seat. I said 'Cool' and he came over to keep me company, we spent a good 4 hours just chilling. We'd sleep, wake up, listen to music and just BE.

How I ended up on the Cruise...

I checked into my room, then opened up my school books. I looked at my assignment question, something about Africa's problems and challenges. I decided that I'd head down to the beach to think about the answers, maybe the fresh air could help with inspiration.



I arrived at the bar, this is where I met Ali 2. He gave me a 'welcome drink' a shot of Zappa and I ordered a Pina Colada. It was delicious! Made with real coconut juice, thick and creamy, loooved it!

Ali 3 arrived, we started chatting and he told me he's the DJ and manager. He told me he's always looking for music from South Africa, I told him I have tons of tracks on my mp3 player, we chatted for a bit and I left him with the mp3 player as I headed for the beach.

I decided to go to the beach, to think about my assignment ofcourse. I'd barely sat down with my journal when this guy walked up to me: 'Would you like to go on an 'All You Can Drink cruise' I looked up at him... looked around to make sure it was really me that he was addressing, was He serious?! I remembered Ali 1's warning about beach boys, he seemed like a decent enough guy, and anyways, Ali 3 was right there. I went to say cheers to Ali 3, picked up my stuff and got onto the boat. The rest as they say... is history! :)

Then there was Zanzibar....!

Dar Es Salaam is hott! I arrived in the evening but it was still burning hot! Spent the night there and took the 9h30 ferry to Zanzibar. I spent my evening in my hotel room watching TV, 2 and Half Men marathon... loved it!



So the plan when I reached the island was to do 2 things, be a full-time beach bum and do my school assignments. I was very determined to achieve both these objectives with flying colours!

When I arrived, I got a cab with Ali 1. I have subsequently met up with 4 other Ali's but Ali 1 is still my favourite. He asked me where I wanna stay and I told him: Far from the city and where there's the most beautiful beach. Oh bless him, he took me to the most Amazing resort, Sunset Bungalows! It's an hour drive from the city and Ali was driving nice and slowly so I could take pics along the way. He stopped at one of the side-stalls and bought me Zanzibar Red Apples, sooo delicious! Then he was giving me advice about life on the island, he told me about these people called 'Beach Boys' all they do is bum off tourists and seduce innocent girls. He also showed me cheaper places to eat near my resort and gave me advice on where to go shopping for Kangas at good prices. Did I mention I love Ali 1!



He walked me to 3 resorts (coz I was looking for 1 with internet access) and when I found one that I liked, he brought my stuff. On the way there we stopped for Stoneys.

Tears for Days - Rwanda Genocide

I had an incredible time at Serena, went into the sauna, chilled in the jacuzzi, took a bubble bath, I was just having a blast!

I think it was at this point that I decided, I'm not taking another bus, I've done my share. So I changed my plans (was meant to go to Arusha in Tanzania, see Mount Kilimanjaro and then head to Dar es Salaam). But I decided, nope, from here I'm flying straight to Dar and spending the rest of my trip as a Zanzibar beach bum.



But of course the reason I'd gone to Rwanda was to learn more about the genocide. So, on my way to the airport, I asked the driver to take me to the Genocide memorial.

From when I'd first arrived in Rwanda, I realised just how clean and kinda sad the place is. I remember writing in my journal, if Ethiopia was a God-Zone, Rwanda feels more like a Ghost-Zone. It's like walking through town on a holiday (like Christmas day), the streets are empty and the wind is blowing and it just feels like someone who should be there isn't there.

I don't think I was prepared for how much going to the Genocide Memorial was going to affect me. I'd had a fabulous morning and was on my way to Tanzania, in my own head it was just a brief stop. OMW, I was soooo wrong.

When I first got the briefing, I was shocked to find out that just a couple of metres away was the mass graves, they have more than 259 000 people in them!



Oh, but that was just the beginning, as you go through the memorial, they have videos and images of of the genocide. I can't get the image of this one guy who was half-hanging from a cliff, I'd realised when I arrived that there are lots of mountains and cliffs in Rwanda, now I could just see the ghosts of all those people who died on those cliffs. But wait, it gets even worse, there's a room where they've stacked some of the bones, like skulls in one shelf, femurs in another and other bones in another, all for our viewing pleasure.

I think it was at this point that I started crying, they have some preserved clothes of people that died. There were these tiny shoes that looked like they belong to a child. There were also rosaries that were found on some of the bodies. I could just see someone praying hard and holding onto their rosary, but being killed anyway.

Then, as if it wasn't tragic enough, they have a room with pictures of victims. But not pictures of them dead, just ordinary *tag you on FB* type pictures. Girls smiling, families sitting at parks, just people living life. Those people could have just been me, my family or my friends. *More tears...!*

The worst part of the whole tour, was the section dedicated to the children. They had 3 rooms, showing some of the children that were killed. I walked into the first room, saw 3 of the first images and realized I couldn't actually take it, so I walked out. But half-way out the door I was like: 'You owe it to them to finish this tour, you have to do this.' I took a deep breath and went back in. Images of these beautiful, innocent little people were all over the walls. All of them are now dead, it took everything in me to get to the end.

As I was driving to the airport, I felt quesy and dumbfounded. The cruelty of human nature is incredible! I kept thinking, 2 million in 3 months. How does that happen?

Then when I was at the airport, once again I realised that everywhere you turn in Kigali, people are always cleaning. I know this will sound a bit weird, but it made me think of those movies about psychiatric wards where patients are constantly wiping away a stain, long after it's clean. But the memory keeps them wiping and trying to get it out...

How I ended up at Serena (Rwanda)

Before I arrived in Kigali, two people had already mentioned to me how clean the city is. Before I get too deep, I need to mention this. So the one bus driver (not the wise old man)says to me, he knows a great hotel that I can stay at when we arrive in Kigali, he seemed like a cool guy so I was like, 'Ok, take me there'. First thing, the hotel was across the road from the bus rank (are you thinking what I'm thinking?), but as he carried my bag and we made our way to the hotel, I was like, maybe it's nice from the inside.

As we arrive, downstairs there's a shebeen kinda setup, now I used to work for SAB and I know that places where people drink from 750ml bottles, aren't even close to being called premium. But still, I'm like, maybe the room will be nice, I can lock myself in until the morning. Oh, I forgot to mention, in Rwanda people only speak French and Swahili, my only connection to English was my dear friend the bus driver.

Back to the hotel, as we make our way up the stairs, we pass this guy and he's like fastening his shirt and the girl is straightening her hair, that's when alarm bells went off in my head, this is one of those hooker places. Before we even made it to the room I told the dude, I'm sorry, I cannot stay here. This guy and I had been chatting for a good 6 hours but he suddenly seemed to not understand me. He's like, it's fine. You've got your own room, your own bathroom and it's not expensive. I'm like: Yeah, but did you see the shebeen downstairs, what if one of these men comes up here and does something to me. I don't even understand the language. The hotel lady, gave me a look, like I was saying her hotel is not good enough or something. I tell my friend, please get me to a cab and they can take me to a good hotel. He looked at me like I was crazy, on some, 'What's wrong with this one' tip.

To make a long story short, we walked back to the bus station, he told the cab driver to take me to see two of the nicer hotels and we said our goodbyes. Cab driver and I tried to communicate but between his English and my French we were not winning, so we ended up just smiling at each other. That's how I ended up at Serena.

Even when we arrived I knew I couldn't afford to stay there, but thoughts of going back to the other place had me thinking, I'll get a second job or a sugar-daddy when I get home, I'm staying right here! I managed to bargain for the cheapest possible room, and actually had the best hotel experience of my whole trip! Serena in Kigali... it's the one!

Wise Old Man

I really expected the bus drive from Kampala to Kigali to take 6 hours, but 9 hours later we were still on the road. I wasn't mad though, the seats were really comfy and I had the pleasure of sitting with the 2 bus drivers when they weren't driving. The first guy was cool, we talked about his family, he's Kenyan from the Kamba tribe. He was telling me about how men that aren't circumsised are treated like kids in his culture, imagine that! Similar to Xhosa's, when grown men make decisions if you haven't had your nip/tuck, they ask you to leave.

But the best part of the trip was sitting with the second old man. OMW! Had the most riveting and stimulating conversation since I started this trip! The old guy and I started off on a bad note, he was giving me a funny look for putting one of my feet on the seat, but I explained that the massive bag in front of me wouldn't let me straighted my leg (and I really do have a knee problem). After a couple of minutes he asked me who I am, told him I'm from SA and we got to talking. The first thing we discussed (go figure) was Mandela. I've been doing a lot of reading on politics since I started with TMALI and this guy could've easily been one of the lecturers.

Am gonna try and summarise some of the stuff we discussed, I kept scribbling in my journal as we went:

* The need for political leaders to see their role not as a means of getting rich but as a role meant to serve. He told me about President Nyerere who once said: 'I'm not a boss, I'm a servant.'

* We also discussed the legacy of poverty in Africa. He told me about this one proverb which says: 'Gie me bread and you would've killed me, give me a seed and you would've shown me the way.'
This was an interesting one and he gave me an example of president Wa Motharika (mind my spelling) in Malawi who gave his people free farming equipment and seeds, then offered to buy crop from them once it grew. The results were amazing!

* He then shared with me the story of how BATA the shoe company was formed. Two men went to India, the one was a sympathiser and the other one was a man of ideas. The sympathiser saw all the bare-foot people of India and said: 'I'm going to go home and get people to donate shoes to India.' The ideas man said: 'There's a huge opportunity to sell shoes in India.' He then went back to shoe manufacturers, they gave him capital and from there one of the world's biggest shoe brands was born!

* He said something interesting: 'Not everyone who begs is a beggar.' I think we were discussing how the culture of 'being owed' has made us lazy. Some of us beg because it's the easy way out, the west becomes an enabler to our laziness.

* Then we discussed African politics. He is a huge Mbeki fan, was telling me how admired the man is throughout Africa for being an economist and encouraging Africa to unite and develop economically.

* Then we discussed relationships. So fascinating. One thing he said to me was: 'If I hit my wife, then I must stop sleeping with her. Because clearly I see her as a child and I cannot sleep with a child.'

*Still on the relationships tip, he told me that a lot of our behaviour is based on emulating our parents. He also said that in any relationship, the strongest weapon is silence. He's been married for 30 years!

*Another one of his quotes: Corruption is a cancer in Africa.

I really enjoyed our chat, I showed him the book I'm currently reading: Art of War and we discussed some of Sun Tzu's ideas... Imagine!

Serena in Rwanda

Sometimes a picture says a thousand words....!

Beautiful Kampala

I woke up in a much better mood and it was great to see the sun shining! I decided to go for a walk to the mall. Seeing all the traffic and people rushing to get to work I was reminded that there's something called the real world and I'll be getting back to it in a week's time. I quickly pushed those thoughts aside and took in the beautiful view. The hotel I stayed at is on a hill. I walked down the hill and past this beautiful golf course. There are these motorbikes called Bora-bora's that transport people around the city. It's great how they whizz past the cars, I made a note to myself, I'm getting on a Bora-Bora before I go!

Found my way to the mall, the one thing that struck me about Uganda is that there are lots and lots of guns. Security guards at the mall have guns, police on the road carry guns, even the security guard at the bus-tickets place has a gun. Big AK47 look-a-like guns. I've never been a fan, I think that something whose sole purpose is to kill, has no place in society, but I also don't believe in hitting kids so maybe behind this bad-ass exterior, I'm a real softie...

When I got to the tickets place, it was 9h10, the last bus to Rwanda was planned to leave at 9am. I couldn't believe it! I went to the lady at the counter, asked if the bus had left already (remember, I'd walked from my hotel, hadn't even packed or had breakfast yet, I just showered and decided to go for a walk), anyways she told me no it hadn't arrived yet. I smiled as I thought to myself, every now and then that African time does work in one's favour! I went outside, found this awesome Bora-bora driver, hopped on and we drove to the hotel. The feeling of the wind in my hair, holding on to him tightly as we whizzed past everyone.... priceless! I packed up within seconds, checked out and we were on our way!

By the time we got back to the bus stop, the bus had arrived but it was a good 30 minutes before it would be ready, so I headed off to the bank to exchange some money. I'd missed out on the hotel breakfast and was Starving! I was touched when I arrived at the mall and this security lady calls me, I'm like: 'Huh? Me?' She nodded and because well, her gun was big and I don't like trouble, I went to her. She asked for my bag, I obliged, handed it to her and watched as she did a thorough search (just like at airports and stuff). Kampala's really big on safety! She handed me my bag back and off I went.

Then I get to the forex place, I don't know if it's just me who looked a bit dodgy but the lady at the counter examined my USD for ages and then was like: I can't take this? I was gobsmacked. She gives me a story about it being old money and no bank would take it, I was actually speechless. Then the other lady who works there is like, 'The exchange is 2700 but for notes less than $50 it's 1000. I was half expecting Leon Schuster to pop out and say: 'Smile, you're on candid cameara!' I've been using USD since I left Jo'burg, all my notes are from the same place. The idea of getting almost a 3rd for my money was too crazy to even entertain.

But I'd had a good night, was loving the weather in Kampala and excited about the next phase of my trip, so I decided to be nice. I smiled at her, said 'No thanks' and went next door. There they gave me my money, with no hassles. I went back to the bus-stop and we were off to Kigali.

*I need to google this, I remember once reading about a country where like 70% of the population is now women because of the war, wondering if that's Uganda. The result was that most jobs usually attributed to men are now being performed by women there*

Diva Tantrum (Part 1)

So there I was, having been on this bumpy bus for like eternity, I finally arrive in Kampala and it's raining. My initial instinct was to 'Keep it Real' and find a decent place to stay, but as we drove into the city, all I could see was motels and everything was just wet and dreary. This is the part where I cracked.

Someone once said that a sign of intelligence is if you can debate a topic from both sides in your head. This is how the conversation went:

Brain: I'm so proud of you, we've made it to the 3rd country! Let's keep up this African renegade plan, find a place to crash for the night and mingle with the locals.

Body: WTF???

Brain: Yes, I know it looks a little scary from the outside but you'll love it! Imagine all the great locals we'll meet and great stories you'll have to share when you get home. This is what we wanted isn't it, a real Africa road-trip,

Body: Ummm, hold up! What's this 'we' thing? I've been good to you Amanda, I lived on raw meat in Ethiopia (which was pretty awesome, but that's beside the point), I've just spent 14 hours on a bus, my knee aching, what the hell more do you want from me???

Brain: Don't be a girl, it's all part of the adventure!

Body: I'm over the adventure, I want a Holiday! Must I remind you that the last time you were on leave was over a year ago. Who knows when we'll get another chance to rest. This is it, I'm putting my foot down, I'm going on strike!

Brain: But, you can't be serious... This IS the holiday,

Body: For you maybe, I'm tired, hungry and I need a break. If you love me, you'll do this one little thing for me....

It was at this point that I realised, I need to listen to my body. So when we got to the bus stop I asked the cab driver to take me somewhere nice. As he drove up to the Sheraton, I was like... Ummm, not Dictator nice, just little ordinary me, nice. So he took me to the Protea hotel down the road. OMW, sooooo what the DR ordered! I can't believe how much I paid for it, but DAYM it was worth it! The first thing I did was take a nice long shower, then I wrapped myself up in a towel, ordered room service and took a loooong nap. I hadn't realised how tired I was! Maybe it was the comfy bed or goose-down pillow but I slept like a baby! When morning came, I was ready to take on the big-bad-world once again, totally rejuvenated :)

Flying in a bus to Uganda

I have a friend who loves to tell this joke of a priest and a taxi driver. The two arrive in heaven, and God lets the taxi driver into the VIP whilst the priest just gets general membership. The priest is upset and asks, 'How come he gets into VIP?' God responds, 'Because when you preached people fell asleep, but when he drove people prayed hard!'

That about sums up my 14 hour bus ride from Nairobi to Kampala. I took the 8pm bus from Nairobi on Kampala coaches. I had the pleasure of sitting right behind the driver and that meant two things. Firstly because he has to keep his window open, I got the refreshing breeze and occasional shower from the rain, secondly I got a full view of the bumpy road ahead. I know no one will believe me, but I literally held my breath for all 14 hours!

Okay, let me not be too dramatic. For the first 4 hours we were on a normal road, actually even better than some roads I've been on back home. After my day in Nairobi and seeing how cool Kenya is, I was starting to convince myself that I might just move here one of these days...

But then we turned left. The image reminded me of the movie Wrong Turn, or this one time my friends and I got lost going to a party at Strawberry Farm. Everything just turned dark and the road became bumpy. Something about the road we were suddenly on didn't seem quite right. The road went from tar to concrete, and we were on a steep slope headed down-wards. It was at this point that our dear driver decided to increase the speed. This might have been normal if everyone we passed coming the opposite direction didn't hoot and flash their lights in an 'Is this guy crazy' gesture. The potholes on this stretch of the road were insane, but our driver, I must say knows his stuff! He was like Schumacher on that road, oh and did I mention that he was smoking? I sat there judging him for the first hour but watching him down that crazy downward slope, I was like: 'Do you! Whatever it takes to get us through this,' He'd be dodging a pot-hole with one hand and holding a cigarette with the other, incredible!

Now my imagination is telling me one thing, if anything goes wrong, civilisation as I know it is up there, we've been heading downwards for like a good 2 hours now, so it might be a while before anyone comes to our rescue. I must remember to google images of the area, maybe in the daytime it's not as terrifying as it was at 2am.

I love being on a bus at night, coz I can cover a long distance and save on accommodation, but I did miss out on most of the Kenyan landscape. From the little I could see each time I took my eye from our driver, it's quite rich and green. I passed by Obama's family's hometown (Kisumu) didn't even manage to get a pic, well all I saw was the Total garage really, no statue of Obama or anything to blog home about,

Oh, and then we reached the border. In the slim chance that my mom reads this blog, I can't actually mention WHY, but I found myself in that awkward situation where this police-man threatened to take me to court (hope no imaginations are running wild, it was the most ordinary thing, but well, at the border it's kinda illegal). I hang my head in shame as I admit, he wanted a $20 bribe and I bargained him down to $5. All's well that ends well, I made it to Uganda! I can't find my phone's cable so I don't know when I can upload the pics,

Nairobi - Family

I've always wondered what it would be like to be a house-wife. My hostess in Kenya is a house-wife and I must say, I found myself quite envious of her lifestyle. Nikki spends her days running her photography business, making jewelry and being a mom. I've been in corporate since I was 20, I've never imagined a life of such leisure, but spending a couple of days with Nikki I realised that I could so do it. She's got a helper, a personal driver and the two most adorable darling kids. I can see how fulfilling a life like that is.

Kenya: East Africa's South Africa

My hostess in Kenya is this lovely lady called Nikiwe, I call her Nikki. We had the most awesome day together today. I woke up late because I only got to sleep at like 4. Nikki is a house-wife, she lives here with her husband, son and daughter. They're both photographers so I finally got to charge my camera's batteries (99% of all the pics I've taken from this trip have been with my phone, looking forward to some good quality pics!)



The best thing about being hosted by a woman is that she gets the whole 'shopping' thing that us girls Have to do. *Thinking of the day Girma took me shopping and within 15 minutes I realized that guys don't quite get the fact that a girl can stare at the same item for 10 minutes, try it on and then as she's standing at the till, change her mind... Girma was a good sport tho, miss him!*



So today, Nikki and I went shopping for cloth. A friend of mine back home suggested that it's better to buy cloth in most places I visit and then get outfits made once I get home, such a Genius concept!

I bought the most gorgeous material, sooo looking forward to having nice outfits made from it, the prices are awesome! We then went to this beautiful mall called Ya-Ya, had healthy smoothies and walked around in the shops, I got some great ideas for dress designs that I'll make when I get home!

A few surprising things about Nairobi, it's sooooo clean! I mean we were down-town, but it was impeccably clean. There are no street vendors, no rubbish on the streets and smoking isn't allowed in public *shocked!*. I love it, there's something so dignified about this city, I could see myself living here.



An interesting that Nikki said to me today was that Kenya is East Africa's South Africa, and Nairobi is it's Jo'burg. I liked that (all arrogance aside, you can tell that this place is the Hub), I will definitely enjoy doing business in Nairobi in future :)

Landing in Nairobi

On the flight to Kenya, I actually felt scared for the first time since I began this trip. I don't actually know what it is that brought the fear on, maybe it's just that seeing Ethiopia has been a dream of mine for years but the rest of my trip, it's mainly based on curiosity and a tiny bit of craziness *as well planned as it might be, it's still crazy to be visiting 5 countries just nje*. Kenya is the first Malaria region I'm visiting, I've taken all my shots and am on the Malaria tablets as well, (better safe than dead if you ask me) so maybe that's why I was a bit scared, a lot of people thought this was a crazy idea, but this was the first time I actually thought they might be right.

When I landed in Nairobi, I don't know what I had been expecting, but what I did see shocked me! This, I guess is the reason I love to travel, to get over my stereotypes and discover new places. It was 2h30am when I got here, in the early hours of the morning. The cab driver was super-efficient, had a printed out page with my name on it and everything. The shock came when we drove out of the airport. The bright lights, bill-boards and modernity (hope that's a real word) of it all. Passing a Steers, Shell garage and a huge bill-board advertising Smirnoff Ice, I realized that this is not deep dark Africa, but a big city with a lot going on. The beautiful tall buildings, adverts for the latest BMW's, I realized that I actually didn't know anything about how progressive Kenya is (well, except for the bits i read about on How We Made It in Africa).

I was pleasantly surprised by this, but a tiny part of me was hoping for a place that's a little less 'Jo'burg' and more exotic (like Ethiopia). But it's good to be surprised, now I know,

Farewell to Ethiopia

Went back to Addis and last night Girma threw a farewell party for me. I was really touched! In the afternoon I bravely went for a walk alone in the neighborhood (bravely because of the rain, but I enjoyed the spray, even met this nice lady who shared her umbrella with me). I bargained my way through the various shops, ended up buying two bottles of perfume, a scarf and this beautiful ring, it's got a brown rock with green lines, reminded me of Tis Issat. I then took a picture of Girma's garden, this place will be engraved in my memory for as long as I live. Such beauty, my little paradise.



In true Ethiopian fashion, there was a grand spread of food at the farewell! The Italian influence on the culture is quite interesting. We had mini pizzas and lots of raw meat. I was put on the spot when one of the guests suggested that I, as the guest of honor should open the bottle of whiskey (Johnnie Black), have the first shot and then make a speech. I did it and spoke from my heart to all the people there as I shared with them how honored I've felt to be the honored guest in their beautiful country.



Then it was time for me to go, I said my farewell to all my new-found friends.I can't begin to describe the feeling, it felt like Ieaving home.



We shared one last cup of coffee and then it was time for me to go. I gave Kiki one last kiss, then Girma and I headed off to the airport.

Hiking to Tis Issat

Don't let me go, I feel safe when you hold me... These were my words to Uriu, my guide on the way to Tis Issat waterfall(which means smoking mountain). The route was slippery and I was wearing the wrong shoes, but he held me steadily all the way there and back.




We met so many people along the way, from 8 year olds to very old, all selling scarves, water and other stuff. I liked this old lady, she reminds me of my gran, the original 1st lady!




Had to take a break, half-way up the mountain, the breathtaking view was amazing from up there.



Finally made it to the top! Smoking Mountain... Beautiful!

Waking up to fog...

Woke up to a beautiful view of Lake Tana. It's very misty here in the morning, it reminded me of Maritzburg, well Hilton really. Around 6am you could see parts of the lake in the horizon, but by 7, the fog had taken over and the furthest I could see was across the road.

I love seeing all the people on the streets with their white head-wraps that stretch all the way to their feet. In my very own wild imagination, between them and the fog, I really keep wondering if I haven't died and gone to the Real paradise *hehehe!*

I just learnt something. There I was thinking everyone around here wears white robes and head-wraps, actually this is the route to church.

Coffee Ceremony

I'm back in my hotel room, I just came back from the Coffee Ceremony, crazy experience. Got all dressed up in traditional clothes and watched as they prepared the grass, incense, burnt the coffee and made it. I felt like I was part of something deep, but none of us there really got the 'deepness'. The ladies were beautiful, I love my new traditional top, but hhay' shame, that guy who was trying to sell me traditional clothes, what a Mashaya-shaya! I've lived in Jo'burg long enough to recognise them.

I wanna fly, it's my time. The fear is great, but the desire is greater. I need to remember to google lyrics for: Only If, by Enya.