Waters Edge

I'm sitting alone on the edge of Lake Tana. I've dreamed of moments like this. For the first half of this year I kept dreaming a lot about water. Sometimes it was ocean blue, other times it was this shade of dark, hypnotising brown. I'm always afraid of these dreams. The dark water, coming menacingly closer. I always feel like itàs going to swallow me up. I've even googled the meaning of dreams about water. Apparently it symbolises a leap that your subconscious is taking into the unknown.

This is the first un-shapperoned (mind my spelling) excursion I've taken since I arrived. I just left my hotel room, blasting Enya on my MP3 player and having a moment of solitude in Bahar Dar.

Paradise is so rich to be perceived as so poor, on the flight from Addis I came to the conclusion that people of Ethiopia just want to be left in peace. To tend their land, worship their God, be one with nature and their spirituality. The sun is going to be setting soon. I did not expect to find a personified vision of my fears in the land of my dreams. Listening to *I dreamt that you loved me still the same* by Enya.

I imagine walking down this broken bridge, to reach the edget and just keep walking. I imagine the waves, the cool water on my feet. I'd be in a trance, ready to confront whatever is on the edget of the bridge. This is by no means a suicidal imagining, but one that touches the core of my fear. Like the fear of quitting or dying alone or never being a mom.

Just like this sunset, my sunset to one of the chapters of my life is near. There is something great on the other side of this. The tide is getting stronger, I'm gonna have to leave this spot soon, before the water gets too close. After all, today is not that day. This is not my ending, but I have no doubt that there is something I left home with, that I will not be returning home with. Not sure what it is yet though. The one thing I love about Paradise, God doesn't whisper, he speaks very clearly. In the flavours, the fragrances, the feelings. Not to mention the beautiful visual landscapes. I love Paradise, I really do.